The Comfort of Strangers
by happycat12
Summary: Lucas and Jo find some comfort in each other.
1. Chapter 1

The George was a traditional refuge for MI5 staff after a long day at the office. Staff from the service could often be found there late at night, blending in inconspicuously with the somewhat unappealing décor - finding a little comfort from some cheap drinks with colleagues.

Tonight was no exception. Rosalind Myers, Lucas North, Malcolm Wynn – Jones and Joanna Portman were uncomfortably bunched around a narrow table at a side booth in the bar, laughing and joking amongst themselves.

After Ros had finished sharing with thinly disguised relish a story about the scandalous rumours she had heard from Harry about the unsavory activities the Home Secretary got up to with his Secretary and press secretary behind closed doors, Malcolm rose from the table announcing that he was off for the evening. Ros nodded, "I should go too – I've a meeting with the man himself tomorrow and we all know what happens to employees who don't meet his expectations."

Jo and Lucas laughed as she left before lapsing into a rather muted silence.

"So, how are you finding things back here now?, " Jo enquired politely.

"Pretty well – Britain doesn't have much of a reputation for its food or its weather but I can report that both are a damn site better than in Russia."

Jo nodded, smiling slightly.

"How about you – how are you these days?"

The alcohol was making his mouth run ahead of his brain and he half regretted his question almost as soon as the question after it was out of his lips, knowing that the truth was sure to be unpalatable.

Her smile faded, but Jo by nature was always mindful of the need to observe the conventions of conversation, and over the past few months had become increasingly adept at filling conversations with anything other than what was on her mind.

"Ok," she said briefly. "A bit - tired," she said added slowly.

"Can I get you another drink?' he asked.

She nodded, "that'd be nice," she said smiling gently.

Jo didn't smile often but when she did it illuminated her face like a ray of sunshine after the rain. Lucas paused half way off the bench, momentarily distracted by how pretty she was, then went off in search of the bar.

He returned with two glasses and bottles, planted them on the table and began to pour out some drinks.

"So, I never heard whether there was any juicy office gossip I ought to know from when I was away," he began.

She paused as her mind ticked over, "Well there was Harry and Juliet – did you know they had a sordid little affair some time in the distant past? And then of course, you knew about Tom's disappearance and Ros had a rather colourful time in Baghdad before she joined us, so I hear."

He laughed, "I bet – I'm sure she would be more than a match for many an Arab sheik. I expect she'd give them more trouble than their other four wives put together."

"I expect so," replied Jo laughing, the wine flushing her cheeks a rosy pink.

Jo paused, considering whether there was anything else she could report to him.

The rest of her news was hardly suitable subject matter for a lighthearted conservation – Colin's murder, Fiona's death, Zaf's torture and extended suffering before his eventual death. And Adam – but of course Lucas knew about that. The succession of images this brought to her mind quickly drained the colour from her face and she looked down, silently contemplating her glass and willing herself not to cry.

"Jo – are you alright?" Lucas asked gently, touching her arm softly.

He regretted asking her about her colleagues and suspected that this may have provoked some painful memories but it was increasingly difficult to know what he could and couldn't say to her. Conversation with Jo was a minefield for the unwary – she had sustained so many hurts it was difficult to keep track of them all.

"Come on Jo," he said suddenly, ''it's late, I should take you home I guess," he sighed.

**


	2. Chapter 2

The ride home was quiet, Lucas commenting briefly on the neighborhoods they passed and Jo answering his comments with the occasional polite observation.

Outside her house, he opened the door to let her out. Seeing her slightly unsteady attempt to exit the car, he pulled her up out of the vehicle and walked beside her as she made her way to the front door. He was pleased to see some colour had returned to her cheeks.

She stumbled on the path, slipping on the icy concrete, and was only prevented from falling by Lucas's grabbing her arms to pull her to him, once again upright but now dangerously close to him, his piercing blue eyes holding hers.

He didn't let her go though, just stood there, his face millimeters from hers looking down at her, his expression unreadable. After a moment his lips brushed against hers – tentatively at first, then more certain, his arms circling her waist, pulling her closer to him.

He could feel her shock at first, the intake of breath as his lips had met hers, and he continued to hold her, his lips on hers, waiting to see what she would do.

He smelt of gunsmoke and alcohol, a heady yet familiar mix. With a start she remembered who he reminded her of. Zaf.

She closed her eyes as her lips parted under his. She could feel her hands wind their way around the back of his neck as a breathless urgency overtook them both.

Lucas was smart enough to know that she was entirely the wrong person to be doing this with. He knew he should let her go, he should turn and go right now, but he couldn't.

He knew that if he was sensible if he was to be with anyone it should be with Ros. Ros who could separate action from feelings, who could distance herself from her emotions.

But he didn't want that – he didn't want Ros and her coolness. He wanted something softer, someone softer – more like what he had had with Elizabeta in the old days. Some kind of interaction that had nothing to do with what the last eight years had been for him. Something that wasn't so obviously an impersonal exchange.

And if there was one thing Jo wasn't it was impersonal. If anything she was much too personal. It was a dangerous flaw in her job, but he found that for some reason it made her appeal to him.

Jo was everything foreign to what his life had been in Russia. She was polite conversation, consideration of others, regard for social niceties. She was emotion internalized rather than displayed through outward aggression. She was stillness and silence rather than constant discord. She had mastered some of the things he was tying to now relearn. She could pass for outwardly normal. And yet she was also fundamentally weak, she hadn't succeeded where he had in terms of self control, self discipline. Her shell wasn't as hardened as his. Her vulnerability was too close to the surface, whereas his was deeply buried.

As his hands slid down the side of her body, over the curve of her waist to rest on her hips he wondered why he was doing this.

Jo was lovely but she was also the worst possible choice for this.

There were plenty of other women who were available and it frustrated him that for some reason he had picked Jo, and now things had gone too far to stop this.

He ran his hand over her breast, the heat from his hand seeping through her blouse to her skin. He could feel himself sinking down deeper and deeper into somewhere where desire ruled and conscious thought took second place. This wasn't about her or who she was. It was about him. Eight years had been too long - and here and now he wanted her.

And surely, finally, he deserved something for himself? Some kind of comfort, even if it was only passing.

As they reached the door, she could feel Lucas' hands on her as he pressed her against the door.

She fumbles to locate her key, her hands trembling as she unlocks the door. Once they are inside the house Lucas pulls her back into his arms and everything seems suddenly fast as if he has set the remote to double time. When he releases her from his kiss she finds herself short of air, struggling to breathe as her cheeks become increasingly flushed. She wonders what kind of hold he has over her and whether he cares for her even a little.

She thinks not and wonders why she doesn't stop it. Doesn't step away from him, remove his hand from her waist, say goodnight and mean it.

Somewhere inside her head she knows what the truth is. Because this is real life. This is what they're stuck with. This is as close to romance as it will get for her.

Lucas doesn't love her, he just wants an escape and he is handsome enough, charismatic enough for her to want to follow him there.

So she presses her lips to the side of his neck and digs her fingernails into his back, pulling him closer, wanting him to take her away from this world, to make her forget everything but the present.

But as his hand slips down to unbutton her blouse she is nervous.

It isn't until she is on the couch with him on top of her and only her skirt and knickers left on that things really begin to go wrong. Badly wrong.

Because all of a sudden she can't hear his words anymore, only the sound of her own heart beat drumming in her ears until it seems as if nothing else exists. She looks up and sees a face that is not Lucas' looking back at her and her throat is suddenly dry. She tries to swallow but can't and then her hands are reaching up to push him up and away from her and now she knows, indisputedly, that everything is not fine, that she is not ok.

And Lucas knows it too.


	3. Chapter 3

Lucas stops abruptly, pulling away from her, his face startled.

"Jo," he says heavily, "I'm sorry - I shouldn't have started that. Do you want me to go?"

She shakes her head silently, her eyes on the floor as she hastily refastens the buttons on her blouse - at a loss for words to explain to him what had happened.

Lucas sits down next to her on the couch, not knowing what to do.

His can't shut off his unsatisfied desires so quickly but he knows too that he can't go back to where they had been in the face of her obvious distress. He curses himself for ignoring the earlier warnings in his head, for letting the longings of the past eight years overrule his judgement.

Eventually he puts his arm around her shoulder, and draws her towards him so that her head rests against his chest.

"So, where do we go from here?" he says reflectively.

"I don't know," she replies quietly.

She wonders whether Lucas would have been the medicine that would finally fix her, wiping away her earlier painful memories and rewiring her brain along a different path and what would become of her now that she had rejected him.

"Maybe -," she says tentatively, "Maybe we could try again".

"Is that what you want?" he asks gently.

"I can't go on like this forever and – and it's better if its with someone I know, a friend," she finishes - her voice unsteady.

"Will you kiss me then?"

She says it quietly, sounding uncertain.

He does. It is sweet and careful and nothing like her nightmares.

When they go back to the beginning everything is slower, softer, gentler.

Eventually they reach the point where she feels his knees press against either side of her hips. The bed shifts and they both know what will happen next. He takes her hand, winding his fingers through hers as he watches her face.

With Lucas it is different - as he moves over her, she wants him closer and she wraps her legs around him, pulling him deep inside her.

At first everything is quiet except for the sound of their breathing. She closes her eyes for a second and when she looks up all she can see and feel is Lucas. She clings to him as his body moves harder, faster and then the bed starts to batter the wall with a metallic clang and she is gasping for breath and Lucas says her name, finally, with an intensity that startles her.

He collapses on top of her, his lips brushing her neck as he murmers Russian endearments softly into her ear. As his hand moves upwards to gently stroke her face her breathing begins to slow and she looks into his eyes, a strange feeling comes over her – a kind of dazed contentedness. She wonders if it might be happiness.


	4. Chapter 4

**

Lucas woke the next morning to find the bed empty and Jo nowhere to be seen. After dressing he wandering into the kitchen to see a note left on the counter. _"Ros needed me in early. Help yourself to breakfast & lock the door before you go please. Jo." _

After following Jo's instructions Lucas arrived at the office a little after 8. Only Malcom appeared to be on the Grid.

"Where are the others?" asked Lucas.

"Heathrow, scanning for an Al Queda suspect the Americans are after."

"Anything interesting?" asked Lucas.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," replied Malcolm, disinterested.

Lucas spent the morning researching a British citizen suspected of being associated with the Russian mafia that Harry had asked him to look into.

Ros and Jo returned to the office just after 10, and Ros immediately called for a team briefing session in the meeting room.

During the briefing Jo studiously managed to avoid making any eye contact with Lucas throughout the entire hour, and her cheeks took on a distinctly rosy flush whenever he looked at her.

She had trouble concentrating during the session, being far too preoccupied with the question of whether she had completely taken leave of her senses last night and what on earth she should say to Lucas now.

Ros finished the session by directing her gaze at Lucas and asking, "MI5 not meeting your monetary expectations then?.

Lucas looked puzzled, "Why do you say that?"

"That's the exact same getup you had on yesterday. Can't you afford more than one outfit?"

Fortunately no one was looking at Jo to see her mortified expression.

Lucas replied smoothly, "Well, you know – eight years in a Russian Prison Camp does tend to teach you how to economise, amongst other things."

"Spending your pennies on wine, women and song no doubt, " Ros quipped.

"Something like that," Lucas replied nonchalatently.

Jo quickly exited the room, Ros and Lucas's conversation having further discomforted her already fragile sense of composure.

When Lucas reentered the Grid he strolled up to stand silently in front of Jo's desk, and waited for her to acknowledge him. After busying herself with her files as her cheeks became pinker by the minute, she eventually looked up at him. "Yes?".

"Can I see you outside?" Lucas asked casually.

Jo looked extremely unenthusiastic about the idea but reluctantly followed him outside a short while later.

Once outside she leaned against the balcony, her eyes focused on the city beneath them and waited for him to speak.

"About last night Jo – I don't want things to be awkward between us. Last night was something special and I wouldn't want it to spoil things between us," he said touching her arm.

She shook her head, saying shortly, "It won't," while wishing that he wouldn't stand so close to her. It was all extremely unsettling.

"I'm glad to hear it," said Lucas, smiling. "Now I'd best get back the Grid, I expect Ros clocks every minute I'm not at my station."

Jo nodded and followed him back shortly afterwards.

By the end of the day, however, it was clear to Lucas that their little talk had had no effect whatsoever on Jo. She continued to avoid him if at all possible and the few times they had come into contact she seemed to display the symptoms of something similar to stagefright – becoming suddenly silent and awkward.

This strange behavior continued the next day. That afternoon, Lucas walked up to Jo as she was busy reviewing some footage on her computer. "Do you fancy going out to dinner tonight?" he asked bluntly, settling himself on her desk.

She looked up at him, startled by his question, "Oh – well Ros wants me to keep going on a few leads so I expect I'll need to be here late."

He was about to ask her about her plans for tomorrow evening when Malcolm suddenly appeared at the entrance to the meeting room and signaled urgently to Lucas, "Lucas we need you here asap."

"Right," said Lucas, pausing to deliver his most charming smile to Jo, before striding off towards the meeting room. At her desk Jo was pondering over how unpredictable Lucas could be at times and how she didn't really know him at all.

On the third day Lucas found out from Harry that MI6 had asked for him to be temporarily seconded to help out with a Russian case from the London end.

Jo didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved to find that Lucas had disappeared from the office on a temporary basis.

**

Lucas arrived back at Thames House early on a clear spring day to find the team busily occupied at their desks, following up leads on a suspected Muslim terror cell.

Jo looked up to see Lucas enter the room, and appeared visibly startled by his reappearance.

"Oh, you're back, we didn't expect you so soon."

"Guess it's your lucky day then," he replied, thinking as he said so that while he was away he'd forgotten how lovely she was.

Jo nodded in response to his comment, but based on her expression Lucas deducted she clearly thought it was anything but her lucky day.

For the next three days Jo again avoided Lucas wherever possible. She appeared to have gotten over her earlier bout of stagefright and no longer halted conversations when he appeared but did her very best to avoid being left alone with him.

On the fourth day Ros ordered Lucas to conduct a surveillance operation outside a mosque where a suspect from the terror cell was believed to be preaching extremist teachings. "Jo, I want you to go too," Ros added after giving Lucas his brief.

**

The operation inside the surveillance van started uneventfully and was conducted in almost complete silence.

After an hour, Lucas lifted his eyes from the footage, then moved towards the rear of the van to pour himself a coffee from the flask he'd brought with him. "Want one?" he gestured to Jo.

Jo shook her head. "No thanks, I'm fine."

Lucas paused and looked at her for a while. "Are you – are you really?"

The truth was that over the past couple of days she had found herself increasingly preoccupied with thoughts of her former colleagues. Fiona, Colin, Zaf, Ben and Adam had all been on her mind. She thought of their suffering and their too short lives, the families left behind to grieve for them without even understanding why they had been sacrificed.

She wondered gloomily what the average life expectancy of an MI5 officer was really – two, three years? It didn't seem possible that it could be much more than that. Every time she looked at Lucas she couldn't help but wonder how much longer he would be with them. She wondered too how long she could expect her own luck to last. Not long going by the track record of her office was the only reply she could think of.

Jo looked slightly taken aback by Lucas's comment, and after a while nodded, "Yes, I'm fine."

"That's interesting," said Lucas thoughtfully, before continuing, "because you don't seem fine to me. Ever since that night at The George you've done your best to ignore me - to pretend I don't even exist."

"You might even call your behavior a little rude," he added.

Jo looked thoroughly flustered by his comment and said quickly, "I didn't mean to be rude – it's just that, well, things have changed between us, and I – I just want things to be how they were before but they can't."

"I don't see why they can't," said Lucas, smiling at her encouragingly , "We were friends before – I don't see why we shouldn't be friends now."

"It's not that simple," said Jo quietly.

"I don't see why it shouldn't be – let's make it simple."

"We can't – it's too late," replied Jo unhappily, her voice unsteady.

"It's never too late," he replied, hoping to cheer her out of her gloomy state of mind.

She didn't reply, just shook her head, her eyes fixed on the floor.

Lucas looked at her more closely and wondered whether he had done something else to upset her or whether her fragile disposition was just a symptom of her troubles over these last few months.

"I know that I'm not your favourite person right now, but I'd like to think we could still be friends. What's the matter?" he asked sympathetically.

"I don't even know where to start," she said - a note of despair in her voice.

He walked over to stand opposite her, "How about at the beginning," he replied gently, as he stroked her hair.

"You know the beginning as well as I do," she said, refusing to meet his eyes, "it's the ending that concerns me."

Lucas looked at her, puzzled, "I don't understand you."

Jo inadvertently stepped back from him to prepare herself for the outburst she was anticipating as she took in a breath to work up the courage to cut to the final conclusion of the last few weeks.

"Lucas, I think that - I mean I don't know but it's that I think its possible that -"

"What?" he asked, growing impatient.

"I'm late," she said reluctantly, then added quietly, "and I'm never late."


	5. Chapter 5

For a brief moment he looked as if he was going to ask "for what?," then his expression changed to one of total shock as she saw that he understood her meaning. She didn't think he looked pleased. But then she hadn't expected he would be.

"How late?" he asked cautiously.

"Two weeks," she replied quietly, knowing it wasn't the kind of answer he was looking for.

He was silent for a while before asking, "Have you taken a test?"

She shook her head. "No."

"I have one though," she added, as if it somehow made amends for not taking it.

"Where is it then?"

"In my handbag," she said reluctantly.

Three days ago she had got as far as undoing the wrapper and opening it up. After standing and staring at it for five minutes and unsuccessfully trying to steel herself to pick it up she'd lost her nerve and hurriedly returned it to its packet, dumping it inside her handbag where it still remained.

"You should take it once we get back to the grid," he said shortly. "The sooner we know the better."

Lucas found his attention distracted by some activity on the camera feed. The suspect was finally making for the exit, "He's on the move, do you copy?" said Lucas to Malcolm.

"Copy that," replied Malcolm. "Our chaps will take it from here," he said referring to the undercover staff from Section B who had been waiting in a dark blue sedan to tail the suspect once he left the mosque.

"You're done then – we'll see you back here for afternoon tea," Malcolm finished cheerily.

Jo felt her heart sink on hearing Malcolm's comments.

**

After an unusually quiet trip back, Lucas entered the grid followed by a rather pale looking Jo.

"I'll take care of the paperwork," said Lucas, "You take your handbag and go," he said looking grim.

The look on his face further alarmed an already apprehensive Jo. She quickly exited the room and headed for the women's toilets, her navy handbag in tow.

**

Back at his desk Lucas wondered impatiently what was taking so long. He looked at his watch and noted with frustration that she had now been in there for 15 minutes. He was sure the whole process should take a maximum of five.

He had never understood what happened when women visited bathrooms. It was like they were visiting some kind of a parallel dimension where they thought that space and time stood still, always taking an inordinately excessive amount of time to do the most simple things - like do their hair or check their makeup.

Finally Jo emerged from the bathroom, her expression guarded. "What did it say?" he asked urgently. He had moved to stand next to her so they couldn't be overheard - his tall frame leaning in to her, her head level with his shoulders.

"Yes," she said, sounding defeated.

It occurred to him that he had forgotten to ask a rather fundamental question – one which might offend her but needed to be posed, "And it's mine?"

"Yes, it has to be," she said shortly, annoyed at his question.

He nodded. For some reason he was relieved by her reply, even though he shouldn't have been. They stood there silently for a while, neither knowing quite what to say.

"Will you excuse me then – I have some things to attend to," said Jo after a moment. She was surprised at how curiously formal she sounded considering she was addressing the father of her child.

Lucas looked at her then nodded silently, her comments interrupting him mid thought.

Jo's "things to attend to" included anything not involving Lucas North that could be done anywhere he wasn't. After visiting GCHQ to follow up a lead with a researcher there, she spent the rest of the afternoon in the records room, then headed home at 6.30.

**

The next morning Lucas was in early. The rest of the team filtered in over the next hour, but by 8.30 there was still no sign of Jo.

"Where's Jo?" Lucas asked Ros.

"On leave," she replied shortly.

"Oh - she's not ill I hope?" Lucas asked, concerned.

"No," she said, then turned her attention back to her computer.

Lucas found himself more than ordinarily busy that day as he met up with various contacts he'd been cultivating over the past few months that he hadn't had the chance to see during his secondment.

But he found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on his work, being distracted by other thoughts.

One particular image kept coming into his mind, something he had tried to block out over the past eight years. Successfully, he thought, until now.

He remembered the day he had come home – late as usual - to find Elizabeta's car parked in the garage but no sign of her at the house. He'd wandered through the house becoming increasingly puzzled as to where she could be, before pausing at the entrance to the bathroom.

The scene inside had been enough to made his heart skip a beat and the colour drain from his face.

Elizabeta had been crumpled on the ground, her face unnaturally pale and her hands clutching at her stomach. A pool of blood surrounded her on the floor. In that moment he knew that their hopes and wishes of the past three months had come to an abrupt end.

He'd insisted they take her to the doctor, had argued with her when she'd said there was no point, that it was too late. She'd been right.

After a few weeks later they'd tried again, but nothing came of it. Four months after that he had been sent to Russia, to begin his government sponsored nightmare.

**

At home Jo was also finding it difficult to concentrate. She's stayed awake late into the night, going to bed early but finding herself unable to get to sleep had gotten up once to pick up a favourite book, and later again to fix herself a hot chocolate. Neither seemed to help.

Today she found the same thoughts that had troubled her last night still whirring in her head.

First she'd think of her salary – barely enough to cover her expenses at the moment and not likely to increase any time soon thanks to the professional miser who now headed the British Government.

Then her thoughts would turn to the friends and colleagues she'd lost in the service, to Adam, Fiona and Wes, to Lucas' and her own mortality. It was true that along with taxes, death was a certainty everyone had to face in the end. But in her case, and in Lucas' it seemed more certain than most, and the end less distant.

Finally she'd think of the notes on her personnel file. The psychological evaluation they'd made her do after Adam's death, before she could return to work. _"My recommendation is that Joanna is fit to return to service, but that given the multiple traumatic episodes she has been exposed to, she be carefully monitored. It is my belief that any further adverse incidents could rapidly destabilise her mental health. _

She hated those words – the reminder that, as she'd heard one of the girls from Section B whisper to a colleague as she entered the staff cafeteria shortly after her return to work, she must be "close to the edge."

She sighed and got up to make herself a cup of tea, checking the time on the microwave as she did so – 1.45. She reminded herself that she needed to leave at two.

**

The next day Lucas asked again where Jo was and received the same answer.

After lunch he had impulsively dialed Jo's number then changed his mind before the ring tone could finish and abruptly ended the call, thinking to himself that these things were better done in person.

After finishing off some paperwork, Lucas left the office at four to drive round to her house. He arrived to find her car gone and the house empty. After pacing for a few minutes up and down her driveway he finally made up his mind. He crouched down to sit on her doorstep and waited, pulling his coat closer about his body to provide some relief from the cold.

**

Jo looked at her watch – 4.10.

She remembered the last time she'd been in one of these places. Harry had sent Connie to sit with her while she waited, not knowing what else to do. They'd sat - Jo silent and pale, while Connie chattered about everything and nothing really, her voice soft and comforting, pausing to pat her hand reassuringly every so often. The atmosphere had been stuffy, stifling almost. And always the waiting. She hated it then and she hated it now.

Even with Connie with her she'd felt alone. She thought that had Lucas been with her now she would still feel alone. But then of course she thought with a twist, he wouldn't have been with her, even if he'd known.

A pleasant sounding female voice broke the silence, jolting her back to reality.

"Joanna Portman?"

She nodded reluctantly, "Yes," and stood up.

"Come through, the doctor's ready for you now," said the nurse.


	6. Chapter 6

After ten minutes Lucas started getting impatient. He put in a call to Malcolm, "Malcolm, can you get a location on Jo's whereabouts? I have some urgent business to discuss with her"

"I'll see if I can get a signal," he replied.

A couple of minutes later he rang back with the coordinates. Lucas headed for his car and drove towards the location Malcolm had provided.

As Lucas neared his final destination he looked up to ascertain the location, _The Queen Elizabeth Women's and Children's Hospital._

He considered for a moment what Jo might be doing there. His first thought was simply that she would be there for a checkup so he waited in the car for her to emerge. After a couple of minutes a new and alarming thought occurred to him, one that made him hastily exit the vehicle and head towards the hospital entrance.

As he walked his mind ticked over what the last eight years had cost him - his wife, his house, connections to his friends and family. Only his job remained – until now he had thought. But in the last few days he had begun to hope that there might be something more to his meaningless existence, that he might have another chance at the kind of happiness he had once known. And now Jo was taking that away from him too.

He saw her leave the main entrance and head in the opposite direction and ran to catch her by the arm.

As she turned he saw her expression was one of shock, mingled with something else – guilt perhaps?

"What did you do?" he asked angrily, grabbing her shoulders. "Did you get rid of the baby without even speaking to me first?"

She wrenched herself away from him.

"It's not for you to tell me what to do. And no – I didn't do that, but you can stop pretending to care because in a few days time there won't be any baby and this will all be over. I have an appointment and I'll thank you to stop interfering in things that don't concern you."

"Don't concern me," exclaimed Lucas, his face becoming increasingly dark with rage.

"How can this not concern me? I'm that baby's father and you haven't even bothered to ask me what I think."

Jo looked at him briefly then turned her face away, her voice uncompromising, "What does it matter what you think Lucas? – the truth is that neither of us knows if we're still going to be here from one day to the next. You know as well as I do there's every chance you'll go the way of Zaf, and Adam and Ben in this job and I'll go the way of Fiona and Connie."

"And where would that leave a child – like Wes that's where, well that's just fucking ideal," she said bitterly.

"You have no right to make decisions that affect both of us on your own," Lucas continued angrily, pulling her to him, his tall figure looming over her.

"It doesn't affect you, you don't need to be involved – I don't want anything from you," Jo said coldly, pushing him away again.

"But I want to be involved. I have rights too. And you have no right to do that to my baby," he said, becoming increasingly incensed at her attitude.

"It's not your baby – it's inside me and you don't own me," she said shortly.

Lucas' expression was becoming increasingly dangerous.

"It is my baby too – its inside you because I put it there," he said angrily, "unless you're trying to tell me you've been opening your legs to anyone who comes along like some little slut," he continued viciously, watching her flinch.

"And before you rush off to get it seen to have you thought about the effect this will have on you. Having that operation will completely push you over the edge – you're barely holding it together as it is. "

"If you think I'm so clearly unhinged why on earth did you ever sleep with me in the first place?" she replied bitterly.

"After eight years in a male prison I think you'll find most men are not too particular, anyone would have done," Lucas said harshly, not wanting to delve inside himself to consider the real motivation for his actions.

This comment left Jo speechless for a second. When she opened her mouth the words emerged in a rush, "I wish it had never happened, I wish it would all just go away."

He moved nearer her and looked at her closely, "I don't regret what happened between us. I'd do it again if I had the chance, in fact I'd like to do it right now," he added in a dangerously low voice as he took in her slightly shocked expression.

"And I don't regret this," he said, putting his hand on her stomach possessively. "I want this baby and I can't bear the thought of what you want to do to it."

"Lucas, don't," Jo said passionately, hastily removing his hand, "please just leave it. You know we can't go through with this – it wouldn't be fair on the baby."

"I know that you're angry and I know that you wanted it to be different but this is the right thing to do – the only thing to do. Don't you think I don't know that it hurts? Don't you know that it kills me to do this, that I've had enough of so much death and destruction," she said, her voice shaking.

"Then don't do it," he said shortly.

"It's the right thing to do though," she said, anguished.

"The right thing would be to let me help you and for us to do this together. And the right thing isn't for you to go to the hospital it's for you to cancel your appointment," then he lowered his voice and added, "and for me to kiss you right now – like this."

His kiss was both hard and passionate and gentle with the promise of escape to a softer, more beautiful world. She emerged from it feeling dazed and shattered.

"Please - just let me go home" she said, exhausted, "you're making this too hard."

**


	7. Chapter 7

At home Jo took refuge in the shower. Her thoughts returned to one of the few certainties she did know – that she could identify the point at which everything had started to unravel, at which her world had started falling apart. It had begun with Zaf. For some reason that one hurt the most. Still.

From then onwards things had escalated rapidly – Boscard, Adam, then Ben and Connie and finally this.

She wondered if this one would be the final "adverse incident" that could dissolve her entirely, leaving no trace of who she used to be. And whether that would happen in three days or three years? By herself or with someone else watching, depending on her?

She tentatively put her hand on her stomach and wondered what it would look like in eight months if she did nothing – if she let nature take its course as women had done for thousands of years.

She switched off the shower then sighed, remembering she'd forgotten to pick up a towel from the closet in the hall.

After dinner she fished through her handbag looking for the pamphlet the doctor had given her, telling her to make sure she read it before Monday.

She leafed through the pages until her eyes focused on the section entitled, "Understanding the procedure." She began to read, becoming increasingly horrified at the description of what they would do to her, to her baby. She put it down, unable to continue.

Habit took over and she picked up the newspaper from the front door and placed it on the dining table, then opened the fridge to look for a bottle of wine. Half way between the fridge and the kitchen bench she paused and stood there frozen, not knowing what to do. Eventually she put the bottle down then picked up her phone and went in search of the letter the doctor had given her.

Half an hour later there was a knock on the door. She wasn't in the least bit surprised to find Lucas on her doorstep.

"I got your message," he said, smiling. "I just wanted to come and let you know that I'll be here to help you, to support you."

She returned his smile a little shyly, "Thanks. Do you want to come in?"

He nodded.

Once inside, she gestured to the wine bottle on the bench, "Do you want a drink? It's off limits to me now but it needs to be finished."

He shook his head, "If you can go without, I'm sure I can too."

"Sit down, please," offered Jo, before placing herself on the couch.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Oh," she said surprised, "Fine." She supposed she'd have to get used to people enquiring how she was – that was normally the first question people asked pregnant women.

"Did the doctor check you out?"

She nodded. "She said everything was fine. Normal."

"That's good," he said pleased. "Listen, I was wondering if there was anything I could help you with – around the house maybe?"

"Oh – that's kind of you. I can't think of anything right now, but I'm sure I'll have to make some changes at some stage."

"And I'd also like to help out financially – to cover the baby's expenses," he said smiling at her.

"Maybe we could share the costs?" she replied.

"You should let me cover most of the costs – after all my salary is higher."

"Well, we can sort it out closer to the time," she said, still set on the idea of splitting costs but not wanting to argue with him just now.

There was a pause while they tried to think of something to say.

Jo wondered who Lucas really was – this man who would be the father of her child. This man who had spent the last eight years locked up in a hellhole in Russia and who had survived. She wondered how many secrets he knew and whether she would ever find out what they were.

She wondered whether her child would take after him and what that would make them. Kind, clever, stoic yet quietly charismatic she thought. They weren't bad characteristics.

Jo started tentatively, "Lucas, I was thinking that we don't really know each other at all. I don't know anything about your family, your background."

He looked at her thoughtfully then replied, "No, I suppose we don't. Perhaps we should get to know each other then."

Jo smiled sweetly, "I'd like that."

"As for my family. My father's a Minister – retired now and my mother used to be a teacher, also retired."

Jo grimaced, "Your father's not likely to approve of this situation then."

Lucas grinned broadly, "Oh, I'm pretty sure he'll come round – they don't have any grandchildren, but I know they're keen on the idea. And I'm sure they'd like you – you're definitely what they'd call a "nice girl."

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?'

"One sister and a brother. My brother lives in Australia."

"Oh – I've always wanted to go there," said Jo, her face alight with excitement, "I love the kangaroos and they have little bears that live in trees too."

Lucas nodded, thinking how charming she was when she was happy, "Koalas, they're called."

"Yes, that's right," she said, still smiling to herself at the thought. "Have you ever been to Australia?"

"Yes, my wife and I went over for his wedding."

Jo nodded. It was difficult to tell what he was thinking from the tone in his voice, but she's heard about Lucas's wife – the one he'd left in London and returned to eight years later to find married to another man. She wondered how that felt.

'What about your family?" Lucas asked.

"My father's a retired management consultant. My mother didn't work – just looked after me and my brothers and did some charity work too."

"How many brothers do you have?"

"Three," she replied smiling. "All older than me and all trouble."

"I bet," Lucas laughed. "Were you ever allowed to date or did they keep you under house arrest?"

"They would have liked to, but settled for putting the fear of God into any boy I ever brought home. I got smart to them though and just didn't bring them home any more."

Lucas grinned, "Good for you."

"Lucas -", Jo started, "Do you think perhaps we've gone about this the wrong way round – that this was where we should have started?"

He considered this for a while, then nodded, "I think you might be right."

"Anyway – speaking of getting to know each other better I wondered whether you're busy on Sunday. I was thinking of going to the seaside perhaps you'd like to come with me?" Lucas asked.

"That sounds – nice," said Jo hesitantly.

"Good. I guess I should go soon, I expect you're tired."

Lucas paused as he was about to get up, remembering there was one final thing he had to do before he left, one final problem he had to fix.

"Jo – I'm sorry about what I said earlier, about how I spoke to you. How I said that anyone would have done and how I called you a slut. It was unforgivable and it wasn't true. I was angry – I'm sorry."

He could her see her earlier lighthearted mood vanish and she looked at him oddly, then said quietly, "maybe it was true, I don't know. Nobody tells me the truth anymore because they think that I'll fall apart if I hear it. Maybe what you said is right and you're the only one brave enough to tell me."

But it wasn't true that Lucas had been the only one to say that. In the back of her head she could hear Boscard's words. Slut. Whore. Only in her mind though because she hated the sound of those words hanging in the air, knowing that the ricochet from the silence that followed would make her feel dirty like it made feel in her head.

As he watched her say those words it was almost as if he could see the cracks appearing in her one by one. What had happened to her had picked her apart piece by piece and she was trying to find a way to pull herself back together, to make sense of everything now that her sense of identity was fractured. A bit like him.

He could recognise enough about her to know the uncertainties and doubts, and worst of all to be able to see that what the Redback had taken from her had left her hating herself even more than she hated him. He hadn't anticipated that the conversation would take this turn and after eight years in a male only prison he found it difficult to understand how women thought, and struggled to know where to begin with this one.

"Jo – I can't pretend to know what it is like for a woman to be raped, I don't know how that would feel. But I do know that what happened is no reflection on you as a person and that you're more than good enough for any man."

Jo was looking down at her hands, and he could see her knotting and unknotting her fingers before clasping them tightly together and then nodding almost imperceptibly.

He wasn't sure how to say the rest of what was on his mind. Jo was beautiful, sweet and smart. It wasn't that he was in love with her, but that he could see how easy it would be to be.

In the end he sighed and said, "I'd better go – it's late. I'll see you on Sunday. Take care of yourself."


	8. Chapter 8

Lucas turned up promptly at 10 on Sunday morning as he'd said he would. He took in Jo's pretty but casual attire of a breezy skirt, singlet and cardigan approvingly and smiled at her. "Where are we going?" she asked.

"Brighton," he answered.

Jo answered but letting out something that sounded very like a happy sigh.

"Do you like Brighton?" Lucas asked.

"Ooh yes – we used to go there when I was little. I knew that whenever we went to Brighton I would always get candy floss and an ice cream," she said smiling happily.

"Well," said Lucas, leaning in to whisper in her ear, "we'll have to make sure that you get candy floss and an ice cream this time too. Especially now that you're eating for two."

Jo wasn't quite sure what to make of his gentle teasing but smiled back at him a little hesitantly.

"Shall we go then?" he asked smoothly, offering her his arm.

**

They spent the day strolling along the seaside, visiting the gardens and a local cafe. Lucas insisted on paying for lunch. Jo had to assure him every couple of hours in response to his questions that no, she wasn't too tired and yes, she was feeling quite well.

Jo did get her candy floss and a deluxe model chocolate chip ice cream which Lucas surprised her with while she was sitting on a bench by the sea.

They stopped at a little café for afternoon tea just after 3. After ordering coffee and cake, Lucas got around to asking Jo something that had been at the back of his mind for a while.

"So are you going to tell Ros about the baby tomorrow? You know you'll need to be transferred to desk duties - field officer work is too risky."

Jo sighed, knowing Lucas was right – as usual. She wasn't looking forward to her little chat with Ros and the questions that might follow.

"I will. I can ask Ros to keep it quiet but I'm afraid it will only be a matter of time before everyone knows. Given that the office is full of people paid to be discrete there are some pretty shocking gossips amongst them – and once they find out you're involved too things will just get even worse," she said, shaking her head.

She paused then continued – her voice half serious, half mischievous, "Maybe I could throw them off the scent by telling them it's someone else's."

"Malcolm perhaps? Or Harry?," asked Lucas, trying not to laugh.

"I have to say that find your comments to be in extremely poor taste," said Jo with dignity, before dissolving into a giggle.

****

At the end of the day as they returned home Lucas asked Jo what she was doing next Sunday.

"I don't know really," was her reply.

"Perhaps we should do this again?" Lucas asked smiling.

Jo nodded in reply, "what did you have in mind?"

"Hmm, I think I'd like to keep that a surprise."

Jo sighed happily, "I do like surprises."


	9. Chapter 9

On the second Sunday Lucas took Jo to a local fair. They'd wandered happily amongst the stalls, then ridden on the ferris wheel and carosel.

After spending an hour or so at the fair, they'd left to start making their way back to Lucas's car via the local shops. On their way they'd stopped at a café for morning tea.

Lucas had noticed Jo had become unusually quiet, and politely declined his offer to shout her morning tea.

"Are you ok?" he asked, concerned.

She grimaced, "Just a bit queasy."

"Oh – I see." He stood up and wandered over to the counter then returned a couple of minutes later with a cup in hand which he placed in front of her.

"Peppermint tea – should help settle your stomach,' he said.

"Oh, thanks," she replied, then looked at him curiously, "How would you know that then?"

"My wife was pregnant – she used to drink it," he said shortly.

"I didn't know you had a child – do they live with your wife?" Jo asked, surprised at this revelation.

"I don't – she lost it," he replied, looking down at his coffee.

"Oh – I am sorry," said Jo softly, her voice filled with genuine regret.

"It's ok – it was a long time ago now," he said, looking up at her. Something about his face told Jo that it was far from the truth.

"How's the tea?" he asked after a moment.

Jo smiled, "I feel better already."

Lucas nodded, "I knew you would."

"You haven't told me what Ros had to say when you told her about the baby," he said, changing the subject.

"Oh, you know Ros – it's pretty hard to get a reaction from her – she just asked me how far along I was then said she would make the necessary arrangements."

It was true that Ros had barely batted an eyelash on hearing Jo's news. Harry's reaction, however, had been quite different.

"Pregnant? She's pregnant?" he'd repeated in amazement when Ros had reported Jo's reasons for requesting to be transferred to desk officer duties.

"I didn't even know she had a boyfriend – who's the father?" he said, staring at her.

"Lucas I suspect going by the odd behavior that's been going on over the past few weeks," Ros said coolly.

"Lucas! That sly fox!" Harry said stunned, then paused – "do you think he knows what he's getting himself into?"

"You could say the same for Jo, you know," replied Ros.

"My God!," he exclaimed, "Do you think it likely that all of my staff are fornicating like bunnies behind my back?"

Ros nodded and replied smoothly, "quite likely I expect," then added, "would you prefer that they sent you a memo and booked out the meeting room for the event?,"

Harry gave her a look that suggested that he didn't appreciate her input , then reached for his whiskey decanter as he started to consider the implications of a baby on the grid.

**

On their way back to the car Lucas had seen how Jo had hesitated for a moment outside the window of a baby store, and had impulsively taken her hand saying, "Come on, let's go in."

Despite her protests he'd insisted on purchasing a pram, a basinet, a babyseat and a little white all in one outfit with feet sewn in.

Jo had looked at him a little overwhelmed and asked how they could possibly get everything home which prompted Lucas to turn his most charming smile on the shop assistant and enquire whether they delivered.

**

Please Review.

_In upcoming installments of "The Comfort of Strangers" find out ..._

_What will happen on Lucas and Jo's third Sunday outing?_

_Who will unexpectedly turn Jo's world upside down?_

_Who will utter the line, "I think we should focus less on your bollocks and more on the issue at hand?" _

_All this and more coming to a Fan Fiction website near you in the not too distant future..._


	10. Chapter 10

On the third Sunday there was no outing. Lucas had injured his ankle at work that week chasing a particularly persistent person of interest up a flight of stairs and had spent the Friday off work with his foot out of action.

At 12.15 he was surprised by a knock at his door and hobbled to answer it on his crutches. He opened it to find Jo's smiling face.

"How do you know where I live?" he asked, confused.

Jo just looked at him, "What do you think?"

"Right – well you'd better come in then."

"I brought you some lunch", she said once they were inside his simple yet tastefully decorated apartment.

"Oh – you didn't need to – but thanks."

"How's the foot?" she asked politely.

"It's fine," said Lucas shortly, "I don't know why the hell they're making me keep off it, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with it all," he added crossly.

His comment made Jo smile. Clearly Lucas wasn't the type to see the brighter side of an enforced rest. She couldn't really imagine him taking to daytime soaps or crossword puzzles – or indeed anything that required sitting down for an extended period of time.

"Let me get you something to drink," said Lucas, starting to hobble towards the kitchen.

"No," said Jo quickly, "Let me do that – you sit down."

Lucas did, reluctantly.

"What would you like to drink?" she asked.

"Coffee is fine, thanks."

Jo nodded in reply and a few minutes later handed him a steaming cup of coffee, made black with no sugar the way he liked it.

"Now I heard that the doctor said you were to apply ice packs to your foot every couple of hours – perhaps while I'm here we should do that," said Jo, then continued, "Where's your ice pack?"

"I don't have one," said Lucas, looking a little guilty.

"And I suppose you haven't been following the doctor's orders either?" asked Jo suspiciously.

"I took it more as a suggestion than an order," he said, trying to win her over with a charming smile.

"Hmm," was all Jo had to say in reply, then she made for the freezer to search through it for a couple of seconds before emerging with a packet of peas and a triumphant "ha!"

"This will do," Jo said, sounding pleased, "Now take that sock off and put your foot up."

"I don't really see why this is necessary," said Lucas grumpily, "there's nothing wrong with me anyway."

Jo ignored his remark and wrapped the peas in a tea towel then applied it to his ankle.

"How long do I have to keep this on then? asked Lucas impatiently.

"Oh, for at least an hour I'd say," Jo replied cheerfully.

He cursed in frustration.

"You're not what you'd call a natural patient, are you really?" asked Jo, amused.

Lucas didn't bother to grace her with a reply.

"Never mind," said Jo ignoring his grumpy disposition, "I'll keep you company. Let's have some lunch."

Lucas's tetchy mood faded during the course of lunch. He even went to far as to complement Jo on the food, telling her it was excellent.

Later on her way back from a trip to the bathroom Jo noticed something at the front door. A pile of 4 or 5 books stacked to the side of the door.

"Where did those come from?" she asked.

"Oh – a neighbor drooped them in," Lucas replied airily.

"Ooh that was thoughtful – let's see what's amongst them," she said, then moved over to scoop them up.

"You shouldn't be doing that," said Lucas crossly, "I don't like you carrying things like that – you should be resting up. Put them down."

"It's just a couple of books Lucas .. it's not like I'm competing in a women's weightlifting championships," said Jo, exasperated.

Lucas was irritated by her comparison – anyone looking at Jo could plainly see that she would make an unlikely entrant in a weightlifting competition. What was her point?

"Still, I don't like you lifting things like that, they look heavy," he said, sounding annoyed.

"You do realize that I am quite capable of carrying out everyday activities without falling into a fainting fit, don't you?," Jo said sharply, "that being pregnant doesn't necessitate that you lose the use of all of your limbs."

Lucas scowled at her for a moment before muttering crossly to himself, "It certainly doesn't seem to have had any effect on your tongue – that's for sure."

Jo ignored him and continued rifling through the books until she found one that interested her.


	11. Chapter 11

On the fourth Sunday, which turned out to be a Saturday, Lucas turned up at Jo's place at 7pm. Earlier that week they'd arranged how they would spend the evening.

"Lucas, this is my nephew Toby," Jo said with a smile.

The baby had fine blonde hair, rosy pink cheeks and blue, blue eyes. Like Jo, Lucas thought. Like what our baby would look like if it looked like Jo.

Lucas looked at him and smiled, "He's a handsome little fella," he said as he offered the baby his finger which he promptly grabbed and held in his baby sized fist.

"I think so too," said Jo happily. "But then I'm not exactly impartial."

Lucas had received the invitation to come over on Thursday. That day at work he'd asked Jo what she was doing at the weekend.

"Babysitting," she'd replied. "I need the practice. My brother and his wife are going out on Saturday night and I offered to babysit."

She looked at him, "perhaps you'd like to join me? – you might like the practice too."

Lucas smiled, "You've got a point there. What time shall I come over?"

"Whenever you like, I'm picking him up about 6."

Inside Jo's place, Lucas had initially sat on the couch and smiled to himself as he watched Jo sitting on the floor and playing with the baby, tickling his tummy and making circles around him with little toy cars which he would attempt to grab when they came closer.

After a little while, Lucas got up from the couch and sat down on the floor to join in their game. Lucas proved to be a big hit with baby Toby when he introduced a new variation to their game which was to pick him up and swoop him in the air every time Jo managed to touch him with a toy car, making him squeal with delight.

After half an hour of excitement Jo picked up the baby and announced that it was his dinner time.

As she busied herself in the kitchen with the baby resting on her hip Lucas couldn't help thinking to himself that there was something so right and natural about the way the baby slotted so perfectly in to the curve of her waist, the way that her face lit up with laughter as she foiled his bid to grab her necklace and how the baby leant in to rest his head against her breast and cooed as she gently patted his little back.

When his dinner had been prepared, Jo sat him in a highchair and fed him. After several spoonfuls of mashed vegetables, the baby became restless. When he threw his spoon on the ground for a second time Lucas shook his head at her when Jo moved to pick it up. "Don't," he said, "He's onto you – if you keep picking it up he'll keep throwing it right down. They're crafty – even at that age."

"Lucas," she replied, laughing, 'He's ten months old."

"Still," he replied, "You've got to teach them boundaries – otherwise they'll run rings round you," he said picking the baby up out of the chair and attentively wiping his face with a napkin.

Shortly after dinner they put the baby to bed, while Jo got started on their own dinner, with some help from Lucas.

During dinner, Lucas asked whether she thought anyone at work had worked out about the baby yet.

"Not as far as I can tell, apart from Ros obviously," replied Jo.

"I got myself some peppermint tea by the way and it works a treat so I don't feel ill. Though I suppose it won't be too long before they'll be able to tell and I'll have to fess up," she said sighing.

"You're not showing yet," Lucas replied.

"No, I can notice it though – with my clothes of –" she paused, blushing.

Lucas looked at her, amused. "I can imagine."

Lucas' imagination didn't need much prompting to recall what Jo had looked like without her clothes on. He remembered thinking how gorgeous he'd thought she was, with her golden skin contrasting with the pink blush of her cheeks. He remembered too how it had felt to have her soft curves beneath him and how it had felt to kiss her and taste how lovely she was.

"I wish you would stop trying to be funny, " said Jo, irritated by his comment.

"Well, I'm just saying I do recall what that looked like. I have an excellent memory –a necessary asset in this profession," Lucas replied.

He paused, and then added deviously, "actually I have a photographic memory."

Jo met his eyes for a brief moment, then she hastily got up deciding that now was a good time to start dishing out dessert, despite the fact that she was only half way through her main course. In the kitchen she tried to concentrate less on thinking about how very handsome Lucas was when he smiled and more on getting the right water to icing sugar ratio to ice her cake correctly.

After dinner, they'd moved to the couch and watched a movie. Not a very good one it had to be said, but they were happy enough in each other's company. Half way through, Jo had turned to see Lucas had switched his attention from the screen to watching her.

She found it a little disconcerting and didn't know what to say to him. After a few seconds, he'd said quietly, "Jo, will you tell me if there was anyone special before Ben?"

He could see from her reaction that his question had clearly thrown her. He could see her considering what to say before opening her mouth to reply, "well, I had a couple of boyfriends before him – they were special at the time though I don't see them any more."

"What about Zaf?" Lucas asked softly.

He remembered a conversation a long time ago he'd had with Ros, not long after he'd joined the team. He'd heard Malcolm mention something about how a certain Abdul Khan used to be Zaf's contact. After the briefing he'd asked Ros who Zaf was. She'd explained that and also how he'd met his end. Lucas has listened silently to this sorry tale. When she'd finished speaking she'd paused, then added quietly, "Don't mention Zaf to Jo."

Lucas had looked at her curiously, "why do you say that?"

Ros sighed, "well you know the way that Jo is now, she's lost Adam who always looked after her, and you know that she was taken by the Redbacks and what happened to her then, and Zaf is just another sore spot."

She continued, "Zaf was always in love with her and I don't know what her feelings were for him but I know she cared for him. You'd best just leave it alone and not mention him around her."

Lucas had nodded and mentally added another subject to his list of topics to avoid in conversation with Jo. He hadn't worked much with Jo but he thought at the time she seemed like a sweet girl to have such a lot of troubles heaped upon her, though she was quiet and very reflective. She was thoughtful too, he'd seen that from the way she'd offered to help him out at work and he'd soon discovered, smart enough as well.

At the time it had seemed sensible to follow Ros' advice, but for some reason now he wanted to know how Jo felt about Zaf, the Zaf Ros had described as a "handsome joker" who was sharp enough to be Adam's trustee sidekick and popular with the ladies too apparently.

Jo looked away from Lucas. For a moment she struggled to get any sound to escape from her lips then eventually she repeated, "what about Zaf?"

She'd wanted it to sound casual, but it didn't – it sounded kind of - defeated.

"Ros says he was in love with you," said Lucas simply.

Once he saw the emotion flicker over Jo's face at his words, he wished he could have taken them back. There was clearly regret there and pain too and maybe other emotions too but he couldn't tell what.

Jo went pale but said nothing in reply, just got up to put the jug on to make tea, though Lucas could see the way her hands trembled as she fussed with the teapot.

**

Lucas had left just before 10 and poured himself a drink when he got home and settled down to read the newspaper.

In the middle of the international section he'd heard the phone ring. He glanced at the clock – 10.22 and considered who would be calling at this hour.

"Lucas I need to talk to you."

"I'm listening," he replied.

"I've been thinking about the future. I've been thinking that I haven't been happy for a long while and – well, if I had you I think then I might be happy."

"Oh," Lucas said, running his hand through his hair wearily, while trying to collect his thoughts, "I think I had better talk to you about this. Do you want to come over?"

"Yes."

Lucas put the phone down and went in search of the whiskey bottle to pour himself another drink. He collapsed on the couch and switched on the TV, idly scanning through the different channels while he wondered what could be responsible for his ex wife's sudden change of heart.

**

Please Review.

_Also by the way Lucas really does have a photographic memory! In one the episodes in series 7 he memorizes some of the numbers on Malcolm's computer screen then goes back to his apartment and writes them down! Maybe you should have thought of that before jumping into bed with him like that, Jo? Hmm?_


	12. Chapter 12

Elizabeta arrived twenty minutes later.

"Come in," said Lucas, his face serious. Elizabeta smiled and followed him into the house.

"You'd best sit down," said Lucas, then moved to sit next to her.

'Lucas," Elizabeta started, "since you came back I've been thinking that maybe – maybe I made the wrong choice when I married Peter, that maybe I should have held out for you –"

"You should have," said Lucas angrily, "when you married me you promised it would be for life, not just until I was out of sight and it was convenient for you to forget about me and start with someone new."

"How can you say that," Elizabeta cried, "I waited for you – for two years I waited! I loved you Lucas, you know that, I still love you though it has brought me nothing but sorrow so far," she said bitterly.

"And Peter – your husband," Lucas said, spitting the words out with distaste, "what about him – shouldn't you be at home with him at the moment – kissing him, warming his bed," he said harshly.

Elizabeta looked at Lucas with despair, "He found out about us – that you'd been seeing me. Since then things have been …difficult between us. And now – now it's over."

She continued, "Lucas, I want things to go back to the way we were before you went away. I was happy then. You were happy too. Let's start again."

"I need to think," said Lucas gravely as he stood, "just give me some time to think."

Elizabeta wasn't surprised to see Lucas move towards the door and leave. She knew what he would be doing. Lucas did his best thinking on the move. She understood that – she would be patient while he worked out the issues in his head and made a decision about their future. She could wait for twenty minutes or half an hour for him. God knows she had enough practice at waiting.

Elizabeta sat silently on the couch, examining her nails while wondering if her son Alexander would be sleeping soundly tonight without her.

Her musing was interrupted by the sound of the telephone ringing to break the stillness of the night.

"Hello," she said.

"Oh," said Jo, startled to hear a female voice and wondering whether she had mistaken the telephone number. "I was looking for Lucas North – do I have the correct number?"

"Yes," came the reply, "He's not here just now, but he'll be back soon."

Her voice was foreign. It took a moment to place her accent but then it clicked. Russian. She was Russian, Jo thought. From there it took her only a few seconds to draw the conclusion that she must most likely be Lucas' ex wife. Visiting him late.

"Oh – could you tell Lucas that he left his wallet here, I – I can bring it to work tomorrow I just wondered whether he needed it sooner," she finished uncertainly.

"He is away now. You give it to him tomorrow."

"Oh, yes, yes I'll do that, "said Jo quietly. "Thank you."

Jo put the phone down. In the last few moments of the conversation she'd processed what Lucas's ex wife visiting him late at night would mean to her.

Her time with Lucas and baby Toby that evening had made her think that maybe being a mother would be something to look forward to, that there would be happiness and laughter and someone to help and support her and care for her baby as much as she did.

Now she could see only a bleak future stretching ahead of her where life would be an ongoing struggle to make ends meet and to battle overwhelming tiredness and despair each and every day, with the constant worry at the back of her mind about what would happen if she buckled under the pressure of it all.

She's seen what that was like, what that did to women. There were enough single mothers at her work - there were enough of them at any workplace. And her life would be filled with loneliness, while Lucas would start again with his wife and build a family. A family that wouldn't include her or her baby.

Jo felt her breath hitch in her throat and her legs give way as she slithered down the wall to collapse on the floor, tears sliding down her face as silent sobs wracked her body.

**


	13. Chapter 13

**

The section didn't normally work on a Sunday but they were expected to turn up that morning at 9 for a short training exercise. It was a drill to oversee the evacuation procedures on the underground using new state of the art electronic communication equipment. It had been scheduled for a Sunday in order to refine the procedure without causing the resultant panic that could result from carrying out an exercise on a busy weekday.

Jo and Ros had been first in that morning – both turning up at ten minutes early. Malcolm and Harry weren't far behind. Lucas was the last of the team to enter the Grid, at 8.59 sharp.

"Yours I believe," Jo said quietly, handing Lucas the black leather wallet once the rest of the team were occupied with other tasks.

"Oh," said Lucas, "I was wondering where that got to – I was thinking about calling you earlier to see if you had it. Thanks."

Jo nodded, but didn't reply.

"How'd it go with Toby? Did he keep you up last night?", he asked, noting her tired expression.

"What? Oh, no, he was good actually," she said distractedly. "I dropped him off earlier this morning."

He looked at her more closely. She looked pale as well as tired.

"Are you feeling ok?," Lucas asked. He'd asked her that a lot recently, it had to be said, but he hadn't really had any grounds to be concerned. This time he thought he might.

"I'm fine," replied Jo. Her voice sounded listless, while her thoughts were a million miles away.

Lucas nodded but made a mental note to keep a careful eye on her for the rest of the day.

**

Elizabeta found that she wasn't bored as she might have expected at home alone. She found herself quite happily browsing through Lucas' cd and book collections, noting that his tastes seemed to have matured from what she remembered.

After selecting a rather intriguing sounding Russian novel from his bookshelf, she got up to make herself a cup of tea then settled down on the sofa, curling her legs up underneath her to make herself at home. After half an hour she became restless and quietly put down her book in order to stroll over to the kitchen to look through the cupboards as she began to consider what Lucas would like for lunch.

**


	14. Chapter 14

At home Elizabeta pondered the events of the previous evening. After his walk Lucas had returned composed and assured.

He'd told her that he thought they might be able to try to work things out but that they would need to take it slow, that they didn't really know each other any more and that the situation was more complicated than she imagined.

It was not what Elizabeta had been hoping to hear, but it was a start. She was certain that, given time and circumstance, she could persuade Lucas that she was still the only one for him.

"I want us to try," she replied passionately, "please let us try."

Lucas had nodded. "We will," then added," You'd best go now – it's late."

Elizabeta looked at him for a moment, "I – I don't have a home to go back to," she said softly, thinking of that last angry scene with her husband just minutes before she'd stormed out and picked up her phone to call Lucas.

"Oh," said Lucas, taken aback by her comment, "well, I guess you'd better take the spare room then."

She had and found she'd slept soundly that night.

Though she'd found bread to make toast for breakfast, Elizabeta had discovered Lucas's kitchen was not as well stocked as she had hoped. Having found nothing suitable for lunch she'd given up on the idea of making it and decided they should eat out instead.

By 12.15 she was becoming impatient. She picked up her phone and dialed Lucas's number.

"Where are you?" she asked impatiently. "You said you'd be home by 11.30."

"Victoria Station," came the reply.

"Oh," she replied. "I thought you were at work."

"I am," he replied shortly.

Elizabeta put down her phone. She sighed to herself, deciding she had had enough waiting.

She arrived at the station twenty minutes later and sent a text message to Lucas telling him to meet her outside.

"Elizabeta," he started when he'd arrived outside, "you know you shouldn't be here – I'm working, I can't talk now."

"That's ok, I'll wait," she said smiling, "once you're done we can go to lunch."

"Elizabeta," he said, pausing to take in a breath, "I think I made a mistake last night – I think I knew the truth but I've been afraid to admit it. I don't think we can go back to being the way we were – everything's changed. I'm not the same person I was then, I don't know even know if you are." He paused, then looked at her, "I don't think we have a future together - I'm sorry," he said, gripping her arm gently.

She brushed him off angrily, "You used me – you used me to get what you wanted and when I can't provide you with any more information you want to dump me. I don't even have a husband to go back to anymore because of you. Well, I'm not giving up on what we had – I don't care what you say, you know I'm still your wife – your real wife. That must count for something."

"Elizabeta, I'm sorry," Lucas said gravely. "It's over between us, it has to be. There's someone else and I have responsibilities. I'm going to be a father."

She stared at him, her face enraged, "Who is she? Who is she then – answer me!"

"What does it matter? You don't know her – she's just someone I know from work," Lucas said coolly.

"That Ros then? Is that who?," Elizabeta said almost spitting out her name. Lucas didn't react. "Or that other one," she continued, "that blonde one, the young one – she must be a little tart," she finished viciously.

She could tell from Lucas' angry expression that it was the other blonde one. He said only, "It's over Elizabeta," then turned and walked away.

After a moments shocked silence, Elizabeta followed to confront him as he stood surrounded by his colleagues in the middle of the station.

"You used me Lucas. You ruined my marriage and now you want to abandon me," Elizabeta whispered bitterly then raised her voice and said loudly. "And all for what? For some little whore you hardly even know you managed to get pregnant," her gaze narrowed as she glared at Jo. "God knows how you're considered smart enough to work for MI5 when you haven't even heard of contraception, apparently."

"I have no idea what you see in her – she's doesn't look useful or intelligent or even especially pretty," she said loudly as she continued to glare at Jo, then she continued passionately, "I know you Lucas, I love you, I've always loved you."

She appraised Jo coolly with a dismissive glance. "How could she know you like I do? She couldn't understand what you've been through. What would she know about life," she said derisively. "She probably doesn't even care for you and you'll just pick her up and put her down again once you've had your fun."

Lucas grabbed Elizabeta and pulled her away from the crowd. "Don't presume to know her or to understand what I feel for her," he hissed angrily.

Left alone in the center of the station while her colleagues edged away from the scene in search of a more discreet location, Jo felt her legs freeze and thought she would surely die from the embarrassment of the combined stares of her colleagues and curious passers by who had stopped to observe the unfolding drama.

The ringing in her ears that had started a few seconds earlier was becoming louder and was followed by a sudden wave of exhaustion and a curiously light headed sensation. Lucas turned to see Jo collapse downwards in a graceful motion that reminded him of a bird suddenly bereft of breeze to support its flight.

Lucas immediately released Elizabeta and rushed to assist Jo, who lay motionless on the ground.


	15. Chapter 15

"Jo – Jo can you hear me?" Lucas asked anxiously, as he checked her pulse and monitored her temperature. The rest of the team and several passers by had also come to try to assist and were now loitering around the scene.

Jo opened her eyes and looked up to find Lucas' intensely blue eyes peering into hers and a concerned expression on her face. She moved slightly, wondering as she did why the back of her head was throbbing so.

"Jo – I'm sorry about that, Elizabeta was completely out of order. It's over between us."

Jo didn't respond. Her vision was still blurry and her head was swimming.

"I think we'd best get you to a doctor," said Lucas firmly. "Harry can you give me a hand," Lucas called, gesturing to him for assistance.

While the rest of the team moved forward to see how Jo was doing, Lucas stepped aside for a moment to speak to his ex wife.

He glared at her, "I think you should get the hell out of here," he said angrily.

Then he added harshly, "And when I get home I don't want to see your face. Find somewhere else to live, you're on your own."

Elizabeta looked at him, shocked, her lip quivering, then said bitterly, "screw you Lucas," and turned on her heel.

With Harry's assistance Lucas carried a rather dazed Jo out of the station and placed her in one of the staff cars outside.

"You take her to the hospital, we'll finish up here," Harry ordered. "And let us know how she's doing."

Then he paused, and placed a hand on Lucas' arm before adding gently, "I'm sure she'll be fine Lucas, its nothing unusual at this stage of proceedings. My wife did the same thing when she was expecting Catherine."

Lucas was slightly taken aback by Harry's comment, but after a moment nodded and smiled slightly. "Thanks, Harry – I'm sure you're right."

**

Once they'd got back from the hospital to Jo's home Lucas had insisted on staying with her for the next hour and had fussed over her like she was a small child who was incapable of taking care of herself.

Jo found his behaviour both slightly exasperating and strangely endearing.

"You know the doctor said that I was fine, that there was nothing wrong except that my blood pressure was a little low, but that this was quite normal," she'd reminded him.

"He also said that you should take it easy for the rest of the day," he replied promptly.

"Jo," Lucas said, "I'm sorry Elizabeta upset you. I should have told her about the baby earlier, she was really angry and I want to apologize for that. I'm sorry things turned out like this."

Jo nodded and smiled weakly, "It's ok – I guess Russians are supposed to have fiery temperaments so I guess she was just living up to their reputation."

"She does have a temper," said Lucas, sighing "I wish she would learn to curb it but it was never one of her strong points."

Jo nodded. Try as she might she knew that she was unlikely to forget Elizabeta's temper for some time yet.

The scene at the station was still etched in her mind and she knew that facing up to her colleagues at work the next day was going to be particularly difficult in light of today's events.

Her last conscious memory before everything went black was seeing Lucas pull his wife aside and whisper in her ear, while had she stood isolated from the group and watched stupidly. Their every action screamed of intimacy - of the familiarity that came from years of togetherness, of waking up next to each other in the morning, of learning to predict each other's moods without even trying. Of a history she and Lucas didn't share and could never recreate.

When she came to, the first thing she could remember was Harry bending over her and smiling encouragingly as he and Lucas had lifted her up to sit upright.

Where Elizabeta was now she didn't know and she didn't care, but Lucas clearly did. She just hoped for both their sakes that Elizabeta could manage to keep her temper under better control the next time their paths crossed, as they inevitably would.


	16. Chapter 16

On the fifth Sunday, Lucas had arrived at 3 to pick Jo up to head to the park. It had taken him some persuasion to get her to come along to the outing.

Jo had twice refused his offer of lunch that week, both because of Elizabeta and because of the looks she'd received in the staff cafeteria on Monday.

There were several female employees who had displayed more than a passing interest in Lucas North and the news that he had succeeded in getting one of the members of his section pregnant had been hot gossip indeed. Things became even more interesting when it was revealed that apparently his wife was still on the scene, and that the other staff member involved was none other than Joanna Portman - the same Joanna Portman everyone had been expecting to be carted off to Tring "any day now" for the past few months.

On Wednesday morning he'd pulled her aside and asked her what she was doing on Sunday.

"I have a family thing," she'd said quickly, surprised he was even considering spending time with her at the weekend any more.

"All day?" he'd asked.

She would have liked to have been able to say yes, but the truth was despite her profession, she hated lying in her personal life unless it was absolutely necessary.

"In the morning," she responded, sighing.

"Why don't we do something in the afternoon then?" Lucas suggested persuasively.

"Do you really think that's a good idea in light of everything?," Jo asked hesitantly, hoping he wasn't intending to turn on his charm, given that she knew full well she was unlikely to stand a chance of resisting him.

"Of course, we're going to be parents, it's important we both get along," Lucas replied with a winning smile.

Jo had to admit it was hard to argue with his logic – or his smile.

She nodded, "Ok then," she replied half heartedly.

"I'll see you at 3 then," he'd replied cheerily.

Lucas had planned to take Jo to Hyde Park and they arrived just after 3.30. The park was packed with families enjoying a Sunday stroll on what had turned out to be a beautifully clear, warm Sunday.

After strolling for an hour or so, they paused to rest on a bench for a few minutes and observe the scene.

"Am I right in thinking that work has been difficult this week," Lucas asked softly, looking at Jo with concern.

"Everyone knows now," she replied glumly, thinking of the looks she'd received in the staff cafeteria that week. "I'm sure they all consider me to be some kind of wanna be man stealing hussy."

Lucas smiled at her encouragingly, "It's best not to be too concerned what other people think – they'll soon find something else to talk about and leave you alone."

"I sincerely hope so," said Jo quietly.

They sat in silence for a few minutes as a young couple walked by with a baby in a pram.

"Just think," said Lucas contentedly, "that'll be us in a couple of months."

"Will it?" asked Jo, uncertain.

"Of course," Lucas said laughing, "I know that we're both busy, but I'd like to think we'd make time to spend with the baby."

Jo nodded. She supposed it was some relief that Lucas was still prepared to spend some time with the baby but when she thought of how he would be spending the rest of his spare time, the idea didn't seem to bring her as much comfort as she had expected it would.

Jo turned to look at him and asked suddenly, "Do you think we'll make good parents? Do you think we're doing the right thing?"

Lucas took her hand, folding her delicate fingers inside his firm grip, his thumb gently caressing her skin.

"I think we'll make excellent parents," Lucas replied decisively, then added, "I think any child would be lucky to have you for their mother and I'll be there to help you and support you."

Jo smiled faintly and leaned in fractionally closer to him as his arm moved to rest on her shoulder, wondering why she found Lucas's touch so oddly reassuring and what exactly Elizabeta would have to say if she saw them right now.

Five minutes later, Lucas took her hand and pulled her up from the park bench and smilingly enquired whether she had time for afternoon tea before heading home. She nodded and replied she did.

Shortly afterwards they found themselves in a little café just around the corner from the park. Lucas went to order morning tea while Jo went to find somewhere quiet to sit. She selected a table by the window where they could discreetly observe the passers by.

Lucas came back with two biscuits on a plate and an order number. Just as he was about to deposit them on the table there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to find a pleasant looking man in his late thirties beaming at him. "Lucas North I presume?" he said laughing.

"Jim," Lucas said grinning, "Haven't seen you in a long while – how've you been?" he asked, gripping his hand and shaking it firmly.

"Great, married now, two kids too, so I have to keep out of trouble."

"Glad to hear it, trouble did have a way of finding you in the old days," Lucas replied laughing.

Lucas took his friends arm and ushered him over to where Jo was sitting, "Jo this is my friend Jim, we were at University together. Jim, this is my girlfriend Jo."

Jo looked at Lucas, startled, and had had to ask his friend to repeat his name again as she listened distractedly to their chatter and wondered if she had heard Lucas correctly or whether pregnancy was playing tricks with her hearing, as well as everything else.


	17. Chapter 17

Jim and his wife Anne joined them for afternoon tea, and Jim and Lucas talked enthusiastically about the pranks they had gotten up to in their university days. Lucas evaded questions about the past couple of years by saying that he had been overseas and turned the conversation to what Jim had been up to recently. Jo chatted pleasantly to Anne about her children and, having found out they now lived in Somerset, what they'd been doing in London.

After half an hour, Jim announced that they had to be off. Jo smiled at both of them and shook their hand and wished them well for the future. She was a little surprised when Jim leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek, having apparently taken a firm liking to her.

Lucas got up to see the couple out and loitered outside the café for a few minutes, talking about old times. Anne left after a minute to go and get a few things from the supermarket across the road before it shut, leaving Lucas and Jim alone.

"She's a looker, your girlfriend," Jim commented slyly.

Lucas nodded, "She is. Actually, we're expecting a baby," he added.

Jim quickly offered his congratulations. It was easy to see how pleased Lucas was with the whole idea.

After Jim had left, Lucas returned to the table inside to find Jo still sitting there, watching him with a strange expression on her face.

"Am I then?" she asked reflectively.

"Are you what?" Lucas asked, confused and a little irritated by her vagueness.

"Your girlfriend."

"I'd say so," Lucas said flashing her a charming smile. "Don't you like the idea?"

Jo ignored his question and concentrated on her own. "But what about Elizabeta? I thought you were together with her?"

"No," said Lucas firmly. "I told you that was over, remember?"

He saw her look of confusion, and quickly identified the reason," ahh, you must not have remembered, you were still a bit out of it at the time I suppose. Hmm I should have thought of that."

Lucas started grinning, "so you thought I was carrying on with you like you were my bit on the side while I was going home to my wife every night. I might be a bit unconventional but I hope I'm not that much of a rascal. That does explain why you had to be persuaded to come out with me today."

He could see Jo's mind ticking over his revelations as she processed his words. He observed a smile beginning to form on her face. He returned it, and added, "so I'm not the shameless rogue you thought I was."

"Oh I don't know about that. I'd say the jury's still out on that one," she replied promptly. "Though I might be prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt," she continued, then giggled.

**

Their drive home was quiet, but they were both content in each other's company.

Lucas opened the door to let Jo out and took her arm as he walked her to the door. "Hmm, does this seem familiar to you - you don't get a sense of deja vu here, do you?" he asked, his voice teasing.

His comment made Jo blush and she looked away to avoid meeting his eyes.

He grinned, but said nothing.

Once they were at her door he stepped forward and kissed her firmly on the mouth. His lips rested on hers a while longer while he stood there holding her close as he savoured the feeling of her breath rising and falling and lost himself in the depths of her long lashed sapphire blue eyes.

"See you tomorrow," he said softly.

Her heart fluttered as he paused and whispered, "sweet dreams darling," in her ear as his hand lingered for a moment around her waist before he turned and strode off into the night.

**

_Sigh, oh Lucas, you handsome devil! Poor Jo doesn't stand a chance! _


	18. Chapter 18

**

On the sixth Sunday Lucas took Jo to meet his sister Eve. They lived in Oxford where her boyfriend was a history lecturer at the University.

Eve turned out to be an attractive and intelligent woman in her early 30s. Like Lucas she was tall with dark hair and piercing blue eyes.

They'd taken Lucas and Jo on a tour round the city, and Eve's boyfriend Andy had explained the colourful history of the places they explored. After that they'd returned to Eve's place for lunch and passed a very pleasant two hours inside in front of the fire as the weather outside progressively deteriorated.

Lucas had managed to catch his sister in the hallway for a moment after they'd had lunch but before coffee was served and asked her what she thought of Jo.

"She's lovely," said Eve enthusiastically. "I think she'll be good for you."

To be honest she'd never really liked Elizabeta – finding her a little too cool and too foreign for her tastes, and she knew her parents had felt the same. However, she'd always made an effort to get along with her for Lucas' sake. Jo, on the other hand she found much easier to like.

Lucas smiled, pleased that Jo had won her approval, then leaned forward conspiratorially, "Tell you a secret," he said grinning, "Jo's pregnant – we're expecting a baby."

"Oh Lucas," she said smiling back at him, "that's great news – I'm so happy for you. And I'm looking forward to becoming an Aunt."

She was genuinely pleased for him. Since his return from Russia she knew things had been difficult for her brother. He'd been left isolated – his wife and friends from before he left had all moved on while he struggled to make sense of the world as it was now after eight years locked away from society. She hoped that Jo and their baby would help him to ground himself once again to help him begin to feel a part of society and give him something other than work to life for.

Lucas and Jo finally left Oxford at four and arrived back in London just after 5.30.

Once they arrived back at Jo's place she had shyly invited him inside her flat for coffee.

"What would you like to drink Lucas?" Jo asked politely.

"Coffee would be good," he said, grinning as his eyes followed her as she flitted around the kitchen.

Jo placed his cup on the table in front of him and sat down beside him clutching her own.

"You know," said Lucas smoothly, "I've decided I don't want coffee after all."

Jo looked at him, flustered, "Oh, I can get you something else if you'd like it, tea perhaps? Or a drink if you prefer?"

"No," said Lucas firmly, "I don't want a drink. I want you," he said, lifting his hand to stroke her face.

"Oh," said Jo softly.

"Yes," he replied in a low voice, then kissed her, "Oh," and kissed her again.

"Do you like the idea of that?" he asked softly.

She said nothing, but met his eyes briefly and nodded, her cheeks glowing a pretty pink.

"Gooood," said Lucas, pleased. "Then come here."

She slithered over to sit closer to him and tentatively put her arms around his neck.

Lucas slipped his hands around her body and looked into her eyes. "Have I told you how happy you make me," he breathed into her ear.

Jo shook her head. "No," and added quietly smiling, "did you know you make me happy too."

"Hmm," Lucas replied thoughtfully, "I think I know how to make you even happier." She giggled as he leant in to kiss her and then pulled her to him. She was a little surprised when after a moment he grasped her firmly about the waist and picked her up off the couch and carried her into the bedroom.

In the bedroom she felt a little self conscious and looked at Lucas apprehensively once he had stripped her bare.

He took in her newly voluptuous curves, the slight swelling of her belly, hardly noticeable to anyone but his eager eye. "I like you even better now," he said decisively, unable to draw his eyes from her, then pulled her into his arms, kissing her passionately.

**

_Hmm, I think you can work out what happens from here. If you're not sure I suggest you go back and re- read the second half of chapter three. He, he._

_Anyhow - we are nearing the end of the story! Only one chapter to go!!_

_I thought now would be a good time to add a little commentary on the story so far._

_I started the story with the view that Lucas and Jo didn't really know each other much, but they do kind of have a connection in terms of experience. I could see them getting together as Lucas had recently ended it with his wife and must be lonely and Jo also needs someone – also its not like MI5 allows a lot of time to form relationships with people outside the grid._

_But both of the characters seem like they just hate talking about their feelings and their experiences so having established that there's a bit of connection there I'm really not sure how they would progress it, except in the way they do – ie get a bit drunk and have a one night stand. Which is a bit problematic, especially for Jo._

_After that, the idea of having Jo get pregnant seemed interesting and took the plot off in all sorts of new places. Also the thing with Spooks is that the characters are always busy saving the world instead of doing mundane things like popping off to the doctor to get the emergency contraceptive pill for example!! Ha._

_So anyway, there is a bit of a theme running through the story with these 2 which is that they start off doing things in completely the wrong way (Jo even says 'we've gone about this the wrong way" to Lucas when he comes to visit) and they have to go back and restart again. I think it suits both of them perfectly as they're both a bit damaged and its not like they're going to get it right first time._

_Also at the beginning they're just kind of using each other for their own purposes – Lucas cos he wants something to remind him of his wife (although later he does want Jo cos hey he is a man and men generally get distracted by women taking their clothes off), and Jo having Lucas remind her of Zaf (which she sees as kind of a missed opportunity and sore spot cos he always fancied her and she must feel rotten about turning him down when he met such a nasty end) and also just wanting someone to love her/ take care of her._

_But their feelings change once they get to know each other. Hmm, I'd say you get the first glimmer of how compatible they are at the end of chapter 3 and their feelings develop slowly over time._

_But also I think they recognize that they really need to try to make things work with each other as they're not really normal and it would be difficult to find someone else who could understand all their complexities and flaws etc._

_So finally for the final chapter I thought I would open a **readers choice voting section!!**_

_Let me know whether you would like a boy or a girl for Lucas and Jo._

_I was going to go for a girl cos I thought Lucas would love that but will go with whatever gets the most votes._

_So cast your ballots via the review button and also remember to let me know what you think of the story so far. I'll be posting the final chapter **in 2 days time **so you only have a couple of days to vote!!_

_Thanks._


	19. Chapter 19

On a warm summers day some three months later, section D and a few stragglers from Section B assembled in the meeting room to welcome the Home Secretary on one of infrequent briefing sessions. The sessions were compulsory and it would be safe to say that the excitement generated by this event was second only to that of being sent on the department's extended health and safety in the workplace seminar.

The Home Secretary paused to survey his audience before beginning.

Harry was sitting attentively at the far end of the table. It had to be said that that man could wear a suit. Unbeknownst to the Home Secretary, Harry had made a special effort to present himself particularly well today, given that he was hoping to win the support of the Home Secretary during next week's Cabinet budget bids.

Ros Myers was seated on Harry's left looking fashionably bored already. That techie was there too – an MI5 old timer – Marcus was he? He recognized some others too from Section B – Sam Williams, Elizabeth Johanson and Davie Turner.

Lucas North was there too and beside him that pretty blond girl whose name escaped him.

He paused for a moment, distracted by the annoying recollection that his secretary had forgotten to provide a list of the members of Harry's staff before today's meeting.

This was not the first error on her part over the past week by any stretch of the imagination. To be honest he should have got rid of her, and would have if it wasn't for the other personal services she made available to him at all hours of the day and the fact that he was well aware that she had in her possession some pictures of him that were definitely recognisable as his person but not in a position that most members of the voting public would recall ever having seen him in before.

He resumed his earlier train of thought and stared hard at the blonde girl as he tried to recollect her name. She was a definitely a junior agent and he was sure he'd met her a couple of times previously. He noted that hair was now fashioned into a short bob which finished just above her shoulders and she looked somewhat plumper than he remembered. These changes had changed her from simply pretty to, in his opinion, a right corker.

He sighed, then moved on, coming to the view that he was clearly never going to work out who she was.

He opened his briefing with a questionable joke which he'd heard only the other week at his favourite private members club, then quickly moved on to the subject of domestic terrorism. This led rapidly on to his favourite topic – the need for the service to be continually vigilant against the threat posed by radical muslim terrorism.

He spoke passionately on the need to disarm a known terrorist cell which the service had been monitoring for some weeks but had not managed to crack yet and to make sure that they were placed securely behind bars for good. "If we succeed then this is an opportunity for the service to win the confidence of the entire Cabinet and the JIC back after the recent failed attempt to prevent an explosion in central London."

"If we fail, then this", he exclaimed loudly, "is an opportunity for the Prime Minister to cut my bollocks off!," he finished, banging his fist on the table.

There was a slightly shocked silence.

"Not this again," thought Harry. He'd heard this from the Home Secretary three times already in the past month and paused to wonder exactly how many sets of balls the Home Secretary thought he possessed and why he was so firmly of the view that the Prime Minister wanted to get hold of them.

"Home Secretary," Ros said gravely, "I think we should focus less on your bollocks and more on the matters at hand."

Harry cringed and manually tried to calculate how this comment would affect next weeks budget bid to secure additional funding for the development of a new document management system.

The Home Secretary gave Ros a cool glance, then resumed his diatribe on the need to protect the security of this great country from the scourge of terrorism while Ros stared out the window and tried not to imagine what might have happened at last week's Cabinet retreat where the Home Secretary was rumoured to have insisted he needed both his secretary and his press secretary to share his room "for convenience."

Beside her Malcolm was distractedly trying to compare the advantages of the new Alphawhizz computer system with the relative merits of the less novel but more reliable IJK Max software, and finding himself unable to reach a clear conclusion.

Despite the fact that this week was his last in section D, after having applied for and received a transfer to a similarly senior but much safer position in Section A as a result of Jo's subtle suggestion, Lucas was giving the briefing his full attention.

That was, until he was distracted by a strange expression on Jo's face. He looked over at her, alarmed to see her hand move to sit on her stomach and whispered urgently, "Everything ok?"

She nodded and took his hand to place it over her stomach so that he too could feel the fluttering inside her as the kicking became more persistent.

The Home Secretary continued his rant with increasing vigour as he moved into the topic of Guantanimo Bay and his personal efforts to see that Britain could secure a similar facility off shore.

He paused for a moment in the midst of an impassioned speech on the merits of incarceration without trial when necessary to turn his attention to his audience and observe the effect his rousing address was having on them.

He could not have been more shocked by the outrageous behaviour he was forced to witness which had apparently been going on for some time under his very nose without him even noticing.

The sight of Lucas North kissing the blonde girl next to him in a rather dramatic and protracted manner was clearly out of order at a security briefing, let alone one where a Minister of Her Majesty's Government was present!

After several minutes longer of this behaviour Lucas finally lifted his lips from Jo's and smiled at her. To the horror of the Home Secretary this outrageous behaviour was topped off by the sound of her giggling loudly, in what was he considered to be a highly inappropriate manner.

Ros looked up to see Harry put his head in his hands, having given up all hope of securing the new document management system the records staff had insisted was vital to bring their records management procedures into the 21st century.

Not only was that now out of his grasp but he was beginning to anticipate an extended lecture on the matter on appropriate behaviour amongst his staff.

The Home Secretary looked around the room, irritated to find that everyone else appeared not to share his sense of decorum. Indeed – many of them were smiling broadly at the offending couple and that techie had even gone so far as to pat Lucas on the back approvingly.

**

_There's another chapter still as I have split them in two but please review. There is so much about this chapter that just makes me laugh so I hoped you liked it too!_

_Also the Home Secretary really does say the line "This is an opportunity for the Prime Minister to cut my bollocks off" in one of the early episodes in series 7 to Harry. I fell about laughing when I heard him say that so had to have him come back and say it again here. _


	20. Chapter 20

With a combination of her mother's beauty and kindness and her fathers quiet determination and charm, everyone agreed, even at the age of four, that Isabelle Eve North would go far. Isabelle was a sweet natured, pretty thing, with blond hair and large baby blue eyes.

Hers was a happy existence. On Mondays and Tuesdays she would stay with her grandparents, who had moved to London from Cumbria so that they could see her every week. On Wednesdays and Thursdays she would go to Ladybirds where she would play with the other children while her Mummy and Daddy were at work.

On Fridays she and Mummy would have their special days together. She looked forward to these days with her mother. Some times they would go to the zoo, other times to the park or the library or to visit her cousin Toby.

The part she liked the most was when at the end of the day Daddy would come home. He would sneak up behind Mummy and surprise her while she was making dinner or doing the washing, and put his arms around her and kiss her.

Isabelle would wait silently, hopping from one foot to the other, almost bursting with excitement, for the moment when her father would let go of her mother and turn his attention to her. Then he would pick her up and twirl her in the air until she became dizzy with the thrill of it all and Mummy would give Daddy a look and say she had to be put down.

Once her Daddy was home they would go and see Mr Snuffles, her rabbit who lived in a hutch in the garden. If she had been good that day Daddy would pick her up and sit her on his shoulders as they walked out. From there she had the best view in the world.

In the garden Mr Snuffles would look solemnly at her with his big grey eyes, telling her that he wanted to be fed. Daddy had showed her how to feed the rabbit through the cage by placing some pellets on her palm. Isabelle never failed to giggle at the feeling of him nibbling at her hand. After that he would be allowed out to play with her, but only for as long as he could without making trouble by getting into the garden.

At dinner Isabelle would sit with her Mummy and Daddy. Often they would talk about getting the new room ready for the baby. Daddy said it had to be blue for a boy, but Mummy said she preferred yellow.

Isabelle took the opportunity to ask again whether when the new baby came he would be able to ride Mr Snuffles. Despite being told "no" quite definitely by both her parents she was still firmly attached to the idea. Her repeated questions left her Daddy thinking that she would clearly need to be supervised while in the company of both the rabbit and the baby in case she decided to put this scheme into action.

Every night after Mummy had given her a bath and then sat with her for a little while watching the TV and stroking her hair how Isabelle liked her to, she would sit on her Daddy's knee and together they would read about Fantastic Mr Fox or the Hungry Caterpiller or Snow White.

Before he turned the page he would ask her what she could see and she would reach forward to point out the pictures and explain to him why it was that Fantastic Mr Fox was shown to be wearing a three piece suit when the foxes they saw at the park never did.

The explanations were always apparent. "Daddy, it's because he's not really a fox in that one. I think he is a person wearing a fox's clothes or maybe he is just very clever and is trying to pretend he is a person to play tricks on them."

After they had finished reading Daddy would ask her about her day and she would chatter happily until her eyes would start to droop and her stream of words would become slower and slower until eventually he could only make out only indistinct murmurings about Elly's party or how Mr Snuffles had looked when he wiggled his nose.

Then her blonde head would come to rest against his chest and after a little while he would gently pick her up in his arms and start to move towards the door, pausing to let her mother bend to kiss her goodnight on her forehead.

Isabelle didn't know it but every night her parents would visit her as she slept.

Lucas would smile at Jo as he watched his daughter sigh happily in her sleep and comment that she looked just like her when she was little, thinking of the picture her mother had showed her of his wife at five years old.

Then he would kiss her and tell her that he was in love with her, and she would laugh and say that with one child already and another on the way he had better be.

Sometimes Jo would pause to ask him a question that played on her mind occasionally.

"What do you think would have happened if you hadn't taken me home that night from the George?"

Regardless of how she asked the question, his reply would always be the same. "I would be a lonely man."

And she would kiss him and reply as she always did, "You always say that home isn't where you live but where people understand you. Lucas you're home now."

**

_As you can see the votes came out in favour of a girl. In fact I didn't have any for a boy at all! Thanks for voting and also your comments on how you've enjoyed the story._

_And I have decided contrary to what I said earlier that I will do a bit more on this story. However it won't be picking up the story from here onwards but rather a look at Lucas and Jo's relationship prior to the story starting. _

_I want to do their first meeting and also there are a couple of other scenes that would be rather interesting. _

_Like for example the scene in 7.5 where Jo drops the drinks. _

_This just ticks so many boxes for me (Lucas in that suit, being a bit harsh and angry and I have to agree with everyone who said Lucas angry is fantastic, ooh he is so dangerous, and sadly I would love to be dragged off to a corner by Lucas, sigh) it is way too tempting not to do something on what the heck they are thinking in that one, cos Jo kind of looks like she wants to die of embarrassment on top of Lucas being all hot (his specialty). _

_But anyway that would be a couple of days away at least. Must concentrate more on my day job and other things and less on writing fan fic in the meantime. _


	21. Chapter 21

_This is the beginning which is at the end of the story. I guess the end of the story is an odd place to start it. _

_Anyway gentle reader, my question to you is - is your seat set to 'upright', have you folded away your tray table and is your seat belt securely fastened? _

_Good._

_Then take my hand and let us set the remote to rewind as we travel back through the mists of time to discover what happened ...._

**In the Beginning…**

Even as an elderly man Lucas North could still remember the day he met his wife.

It was the same day that, like a cat, Adam Carter had expended his nine lives and finally resolved the question of whether he was mortal like the rest of them.

A day that had ended with an unusual silence on the grid and an eerie trail of smoke silhouetted in the skies above central London. _Chiaroscuro_, Lucas had thought when he'd seen it – the difference between light and dark and the colours in between.

But it was also the first day for eight years that Lucas North had woken up and had the freedom to decide what he wanted to do with himself.

And what he wanted to do was work. And so, apparently, did she.

Harry had been the first to mention her.

"Jo's back," he'd said to Malcolm, sounding pleased.

"Good," he'd said. "We need all our officers on board. Where is she?"

"With HR," Harry had replied.

Lucas listened to their conversation but didn't comment. There were too many unknowns, too many unfamiliar names now for him to single out only one to question.

Later he'd looked up from his desk, distracted from his thoughts of what Elizabeta might be doing now by the sound of Ros' voice.

"Have you met Jo?" she'd asked in a disinterested tone, clearly hoping to dispense with the social niceties as soon as possible.

Lucas hadn't paused to considered what he might expect but she wasn't it.

The girl was willowy but also curvaceous, with short blonde hair fashioned into a sleek style and quite beautiful with large soulful eyes. She was younger than he'd expected given that she'd obviously been working here for at least a little while.

He'd met a raft of female agents in his career and they generally had a toughness about them, a no nonsense, down to business type quality. Ros was a perfect example. Connie too.

This one was very …un MI5.

Lucas smiled, "I don't think I've had the pleasure."

"Lucas, Jo – Jo, Lucas," Ros said shortly, not even bothering to look up from her paperwork as she made the introductions. He stepped forward to shake her hand heartily, and greeted her with a confident, "Pleased to meet you."

Jo smiled back at him pleasantly, but her manner was reserved.

He was very tall, but lean, and his face was angular with piercing blue eyes. He was undoubtedly handsome but he had a disturbingly perceptive manner about him that seemed to indicate that with very little effort he might know you better than you did yourself. Jo disengaged her hand and took a step back from him.

Shortly after her arrival, Connie had hastily pulled her aside in the corridor to inform that they had a returning agent on board and had filled her in on Lucas' back story.

"Harry will be pleased to have you back," said Jo politely, not really sure what else to say to a man who had been shut off from the world for eight years.

He hadn't commented on that, and had instead changed the subject and asked her what her role was.

"Junior field officer," she'd replied quietly.

He nodded, "well I look forward to working with you."

**

Jo had watched Lucas suspiciously at first. She'd seen the way Harry was treating him already. Three days and it was like Adam had never existed, that Lucas had been Harry's right hand man the whole time.

She had lost Adam and he'd been replaced by this man. This tall, foreign stranger would be the new Adam. She felt like screaming that she missed the old Adam, that she wouldn't accept this new one and that they should take him back. But she knew enough about the world to know that screaming wouldn't do any good.

Over the past few days, Lucas had been preoccupied with thoughts of his ex wife. He'd wondered at what stage she'd given up waiting, given up hope. Who her new husband was, how he treated her. And he thought about her child – somehow that thought hurt the most of all.

Though he was tired from the long nights on his bedroom floor, he'd also had time to consider his new colleagues. Ros and Connie he found straightforward. Both consummate professionals, cool and level headed, tactical game players. Ben hadn't made much of an impact on him, but he was pleasant enough. He could see that the young man had good instincts though he was in need of further training.

The other girl he couldn't make out. She was efficient, and seemed to have the trust of the team, but she was quiet. Unlike him, she seemed to have no difficulty picking up from where she had left off before, though it wasn't immediately obvious to him what she was back from. Maternity leave didn't seem likely. She would have been plumper if that were the case and she didn't appear to be recovering from an illness either.

Later that night, Harry had invited him into his office and offered him a drink. He'd accepted gratefully. After all these years with so little company, he was hardly going to turn down the offer of a friendly drink and conversation with someone he knew to be both intelligent and insightful.

"So, how are you finding your new place?" Harry had began.

"Oh, you know, it's not quite up to the standard of luxury I've become accustomed to courtesy of the Russian State, but I'm making do," Lucas replied with an ironic smile.

Harry nodded. "And you've had your medical?" he continued.

Lucas nodded, "The doctor said I was in surprising good condition considering, though I could do with putting on a few pounds."

"Sounds like sound advice to me," Harry said sagely.

"Are you planning to come to the funeral tomorrow? The rest of the team will be there. We'd like you to attend also – if you wanted to, that is," he continued.

"Oh, well," Lucas said hesitantly, "I'm not sure if its appropriate. I didn't know him that well, but I know he meant a lot to the team."

Harry nodded and said quietly, "He did. Ros in particular though she doesn't like to admit it, and Jo too, especially over the past few months."

Lucas looked at Harry quizzically, "where's she been these past few month's, by the way? Has she been ill?"

Harry was tired. He didn't want to have that conversation with Lucas, definitely not now and preferably not ever. He just wanted to pour himself another glass of whiskey and go home and try not to think about what Wes Carter's face might look like tomorrow. And yet if Lucas didn't know he would probably unwittingly put his foot in it and say something to upset Jo. And so many things could upset Jo. He sighed and got up to unlock his file drawer, then rifled through it and handed Lucas a file marked 'Joanna Portman.'

He grimaced and commented quietly, "It's not happy reading I'm afraid." Then his voice changed and he said brusquely, "Don't let Jo see you have that and make sure you return it to me tomorrow morning."

Lucas nodded, curious now as to whether the file would reveal that the girl had been squeezed out of service on at least a temporarily basis for some unknown disciplinary offence or whether it would show her to be suffering from some form of mental instability.

**

_Hmm, hope you like it so far. Compared to the other chapters this has been really difficult to write - but so, so fascinating. Bear in mind when you're reading it that they are not in love here._ _I can see that the backstory is going to stretch to at least 5 or 6 chapters to get everything I wanted to in. Next chapter wil be set the next day at Adam's funeral. _


	22. Chapter 22

**In the Beginning – Part 2**

Back at his desk Lucas opened the file to find a picture of the girl which must have been taken when she joined the service. He wondered how old she would have been. 21, 22 at least surely but she looked younger with her long blonde hair tied into a ponytail, and large blue eyes staring innocently back at him. She was excessively pretty and reminded him of one of those girls that fill out the cast of American teen flicks – the ones who made up the cheerleader squad or were going out with the Captain of the Football Team.

He read through her application form.

A BA with Honours in History, Head Girl, popular with everyone apparently and a reference describing her as "one of the nicest people I have ever met." She clearly had a lot to recommend her but he wondered whether she was really suitable material for the ruthless world of MI5. "Nice" would be an asset in many jobs but was definitely a mixed blessing in her present role.

He scanned through her file, noting the steady progress shown on her performance assessments and reading through the periodical psychological appraisals and medical evaluations.

Towards the end of the file he opened a page which contained a debrief report supplied by the late great Adam Carter and began to read:

_Post Operation Debrief Report_

_Filed by: Adam Carter, SD 938  
__Position: Senior Field Officer  
_Section: D Date: 19/12/2007

_On the morning of Tuesday 18 December I was alerted to the presence of a group called the "Redbacks" in the UK by Bob Hogan, a contact previously active at the American Embassy. The group had previously captured and interrogated one of Section D's field officers in Tehran. Bob advised the group's purpose was to capture and interrogate intelligence officers, extracting whatever information they could from them, then onselling them to another client to allow further information to be extracted. The outcome for the officer was always death and for the individual involved the sooner this occurred, the better, given their methods._

_On hearing of the threat I immediately contacted Malcolm Wynne - Jones and asked him to alert the rest of the section to the threat and step up our security. I discussed the matter with Harry Pearce who advised that he would take steps to raise the security level of our officers, but that he could not withdraw out officers from service due to the need to have all members of staff available to continue work on other urgent matters._

_Approximately two hours after Bob Hogan had first alerted us to the threat, members of Section C confirmed that Joanna Portman's house had been broken into and that she was missing. We immediately suspected that the Redbacks were responsible._

_Knowing that her capture would likely result in her death and the probable release of information which would undermine the security of our operations I was authorised by Harry Pearce to contact Bob Hogan to see if he could arrange a meeting with the Redbacks and provide cash in exchange for her safe return._

_The deal backfired when Bob Hogan drew a gun on me and ordered me to remove my tracker, then handed me to the Redbacks._

_I was blindfolded and handcuffed and taken to their south west London base. When I arrived I was locked in a cell and Jo was already present. She appeared unharmed and said she had not been tortured._

_Our captors were Jean Boscard, a Frenchman and Eric Mulder, an American._

_On arrival I reviewed the cell but could find no way out._

_Jo and I remained in that cell for approximately two hours, anticipating that the Redbacks would begin their interrogation at any moment. After approximately an hour in the cell, Jean Boscard entered the room and spoke to Jo and it became clear to me at this point that he had raped her before my arrival._

_Jo became progressively more anxious, and was clearly working herself into a state of complete terror in anticipation of what was to come. She begged me to kill her before the interrogation could start. I refused, saying that the money had a tracker on it and that she needed to hold out until the team could locate us._

_Both the Redbacks then entered the cell with a buyer and discussed their plans to interrogate us, beginning with Jo. They left the cell to negotiate terms with the buyer and we knew that the interrogation was imminent._

_Knowing that Jo was desperate, I told her to play dead and when Boscard entered the room and threatened me, she crept up behind him and successfully neutralised him. By this time CO19 had entered the house and captured and disarmed the other Redback._

_Both Redbacks were dealt with and are now no longer a threat._

_I am recommending that Jo remain on compassionate leave for some time until she is fit to return to work. I am concerned, especially in light of her age and her relative naivety that this will seriously affect her, particularly when it is combined with the loss of a close friend and colleague. I intend to offer her my continued support and I hope the service will also._

Lucas put down the file and considered Joanna Portman from a new angle. An angle he was glad he'd never had to consider his wife or sister or a friend from.

He briefly tried to imagine what might have gone through her head on that day. The desolation of finding herself at first alone at the mercy of people who didn't operate by any of the standards of normal human decency, the shock of realising what Boscard wanted to do to her and the inevitability of the outcome of that encounter, the pure terror of trying to imagine the punishments her captors might carry out, and knowing enough to understand that these would become progressively more brutal until only death finally offered a way out. Her only solace must have been Adam Carter. He wondered how she would cope now he was gone too.

There were some similarities between her experiences and his first few weeks in prison. Some, but it was not the same. Clearly.

From an operational point of view her combination of both "nice" and damaged was probably not the best fit for her present position. The last thing they needed at the moment was an officer on board who was going to start falling apart when things got tough, as they inevitably would.

**

The next morning dawned bright and clear, and unseasonably warm. At home Jo surveyed herself in the mirror and frowned.

Her dress was black chiffon affair, reminiscent of the 1940s, with little puffed sleeves, and the flimsy material was somewhat see through with a satin underdress beneath it.

She'd brought it some time ago and had examined it critically for a good few minutes that morning, thinking that it wasn't really entirely appropriate, but had eventually decided it would have to do, given that there was nothing else suitable in her closet. Anyway, she thought as she unfastened a pin to clip back her hair, it didn't really matter what she wore. A dress wasn't going to change the fact that Wes Carter would be waking up again this morning with no father. And no mother.

She smoothed her hair back behind her ears, then moved to the kitchen to gulp down a cup of coffee before collecting her keys and heading towards the door.

**

In the church, Lucas thought about Elizabeta as the Minister droned on. She'd looked so similar to when he'd last seen her, only a little more tired, a little less fresh. He calculated how old she must be. 34 now. Her birthday was the 22nd of November. He remembered she liked to be taken to dinner on her birthday and to be given flowers – daffodils were her favourite. He wondered if her new husband knew that. Or that she liked to be kissed on her forehead, just beneath her hairline.

He looked over to his colleagues in the pew beside him. Malcolm was listening attentively, a sad smile on his face as the Minister talked of the fragility of life and how we had a duty to do good in the world while we had the opportunity to. Harry had his head bowed. He'd never been one for public demonstrations of emotion but Lucas could see from the way he was stooped over that he was clearly finding the service difficult.

On the other side of the church, Ros Myers looked as if she was about to display a rare lapse in her normally steely self control. He could see her mouth quiver and her hands quietly working themselves into a knot, and after a moment a solitary tear appeared, then gradually slid down her face. Sitting beside her Jo kept her attention focused on the Minister's words but her saw her right hand move and come to rest gently on Ros' arm. He was surprised to see Ros smile briefly to herself at this gesture.

Jo's attention gradually faded until the words began to wash over her like waves and the break from one to the next was no longer distinguishable. One phrase did stand out in her mind. "We are all part of God's greater plan."

She wondered cynically what plan that might be. That plan which four days ago had left a boy, not yet ten years old, who only two years ago had lost his mother, now without a father too.

The plan that had resulted in the death of a man who had saved thousands of innocent lives in his brief but distinguished career and who would have undoubtedly gone on to save thousands more.

The plan that had let her cheeky, charming friend with so much life in him fall into the hands of a man who would take pleasure in making him suffer in every conceivable way until he could take no more and they succeeded in quite literally squeezing the life out of him.

And she supposed it was part of the plan that that same man should take her and use her body like the worst kind of common whore and leave her shattered into a thousand pieces to be picked up and somehow stitched back together. She thought bitterly that even if the mending held, the tears would still show.

**

_Hmm, still only part way through Adam's funeral – more of that next chapter. _

_Also - I want a dress like Jo's! And Jo has the same degree as me so says the Personnel Files where I got her application info from. _


	23. Chapter 23

After the service, Fiona's parents had asked everyone back to their place for afternoon tea.

Lucas felt like an intruder. He had been undecided as to whether he ought to come or not but for some reason Malcolm had insisted that he should. Aside from Harry, Malcolm was the only friend he had left on the Grid, so after some persuasion he'd agreed to attend, not wanting to offend him.

He sat down on an armchair with Malcolm and Jo opposite him on a couch. Connie was talking to Fiona's parents while Ros and Harry were huddled in the corner talking quietly.

Malcolm and Jo were engaged in a discussion about the arrangement of the Beethoven Sonata playing quietly in the background - a subject no doubt initiated by Malcolm. He presumed Jo was keeping up her end of the conversation either due to the politeness instilled in her as a result a good upbringing or to avoid thinking about Adam. Or both.

Malcolm's voice brought back memories of late nights on the Grid, the camaraderie of banter under pressure as they worked to deactivate the latest threat to the nation. Her voice was unfamiliar but soft, with the melodic rise and fall of a song. He sat quietly, listening to the rhythm of their voices, not really taking in their conversation, and watching their interaction.

As they talked his attention became increasingly focused on Jo. It seemed to him that the dress gave her an oddly exotic air, and her glamour was strangely out of place in such a mundane setting.

He thought to himself that the ability to attract men was both a useful and a dangerous thing for a woman to possess. In his world it had been used countless times during operations to get what they wanted. He had even, as a Senior Officer, overseen operations where he had instructed his female colleagues to put it to use it to achieve a higher purpose. He had been vaguely conscious of the fact that there was always a risk that it could backfire. But he hadn't actually seen that happen before during his time in the service. Until now that was.

He was startled from his thoughts by the sound of Malcolm loudly exclaiming that he had just seen a version of latest multi function Notebook laptop in the corner.

Opposite him, Joanna took another sip of her tea then returned it to the saucer with a muted clink and looked up to see Lucas watching her intently, his expression inscrutable.

**

_Just a little bit this time, next chapter some dialogue after the funeral but still working on that. _


	24. Chapter 24

Lucas watched with a certain degree of curiosity as Malcolm first stood up then edged gradually closer and closer to the corner table where the laptop was sitting and then eventually gave in to the temptation to examine it.

A couple of minutes later, Jo excused herself and went to speak to Wes Carter who was sitting quietly in the corner of the room with some elderly relatives. He could see her whisper what looked like a joke into his ear and place her arm around his shoulder as she sat down next to him. His mood brightened noticeably with her appearance.

The prospect of making polite chit chat with strangers wasn't entirely appealing to Lucas who decided instead to take a tour of the gardens.

After some twenty minutes exploring the extensive grounds, Lucas rounded the corner to enter the rose garden and was surprised to see Jo sitting quietly on a park bench, staring into the distance with a forlorn expression on her face.

He considered for a moment what he ought to do, then wandered over to her and asked if he could join her. She nodded silently and moved over to make room for him.

"I didn't know him well, but Adam Carter must have been quite something," Lucas began in a low voice.

Jo nodded then said quietly, "He was – he really was." Her voice had a shaky edge to it. She wouldn't look at him but he could tell that she was struggling to control the tears that were threatening to fall.

She looked down, silently contemplating her hands. There was something about the emotion in her voice as she said that, and the expression on her face as his gaze swept over her delicate features that made him realise with a start that the last eight years had made him forget what women were like. That they were different, more emotionally orientated than men and wholly more subtle. With Ros and her businesslike manner he hadn't really noticed the difference. With this one he noticed it. A lot.

He said nothing, but just sat quietly beside her, watching her closely without making an effort to seem to do so and waiting silently to see what she would do next.

After a few minutes it appeared that she had won the battle and regained her self control.

She took in a breath and commented softly, "He recruited me, you know. Read my gas meter when I was fresh out of university." She stopped and smiled weakly, "I didn't buy him though. Adam was good at what he did but he should have been wise to the fact that most BritishGas employees don't look like movie stars or sound like they were educated at Cambridge."

Jo continued, "I kind of wonder what my life would have been if he hadn't though. All my friends seem to talk about is when their next paycheck is so they can buy a new outfit or go out for a night, what their boyfriend's like in bed and what's on the telly that evening." She paused, then added quietly, "anyway, I'm not really sure what he saw in me."

Lucas wondered if she regretted meeting Adam. Probably, he thought.

He was about to add a comment that her background showed that she was clearly both intelligent and resourceful, but he quickly closed his mouth, remembering that he wasn't supposed to have read her file that it would probably upset her to know that he had and instead said, "he must have recognised something promising in you."

Jo answered with an almost imperceptible sigh and said tiredly, "I don't know what. I expect whatever it was is gone now anyway."

So, Lucas thought, she was clearly no longer the happy go lucky, Miss Popularity she had been a few years ago anymore. A bit like him, really. Someone who through a change of circumstances had gone from optimistic to jaded in the blink of an eye.

"I don't know what we'll do without Adam. He was section D – without him, I'm not sure how we'll cope." She might have added that she wasn't sure how she'd cope without him but there was something about Lucas that didn't encourage her to confide in him.

"I expect we'll carry on as we've always done. Adam Carter might be a legend but he was only one man," Lucas replied firmly.

"You might very well say that, but then I guess you didn't know Adam," Jo commented softly, but with conviction in her voice.

For some reason Lucas suddenly resented all this talk of Adam. He was dead. Gone. Why couldn't she focus on what was here now? In front of her. Beside her.

Without thinking he shifted on the seat and moved closer to her until their bodies touched, and concentrated his attention on her.

"No I didn't know Adam, but I know life will go on. People will keep on getting older, they'll continue to get married, make love, have children. The world will keep turning even without Adam Carter in it. And I'm sure that Adam isn't the storybook hero you think he is – I think you'll find everyone has flaws," he said sharply.

It was true that Adam hadn't been perfect but that didn't stop her missing him so intensely it was like a physical hurt, gnawing at her insides day and night ever since that phone call four days ago.

She edged away from him on the seat and broke his gaze. Jo thought once again with resentment that this new Adam was a poor replacement for the old one. Adam had been safe, familiar, comforting. This new one was unpredictable, unsettling. And vaguely threatening.

She looked at him briefly then rose to her feet, commenting coolly, "I don't need you to point out that the real world isn't some kind of fairytale idyll - I'm well enough aware of that myself."

That was true enough, Lucas thought as he watched her silhouette disappear into the distance. He wondered what had possessed him to speak to her like that. He supposed it must be because he had no idea what constituted appropriate behaviour any more.

Lucas looked at the sky, taking in the ominous mass of grey clouds gathering above him. He sat for a while longer, contemplating the rapid changes the past few days had brought until his thoughts were interrupted by the sensation of large droplets beating down on his face aggressively. His body reverted to instinct and his head dropped forward as his lungs started desperately gasping for air. After a moment, he steeled himself to get up from the seat and return to the house without flinching as the rain continued to pound his face.


	25. Chapter 25

At the charity fundraiser Lucas was Pete. Cocky, suave, a city banker, just a little too self assured, a little too used to getting his own way. Ros was there as Pete's Jenny – the cool sophisticate to complement his over inflated ego.

And Jo was invisible – or at least she should have been. Just one of a sea of black and white amongst the crowd, only there to provide a service no name, no identity of her own. Lucas had noticed her though, his eyes picking out the blonde contrast with the startling blue of her eyes and the rosy pink of her lips.

Everything went smoothly until Lucas spied a face amongst the crowd he recognised, Acer Dalek, Ros said. That wasn't part of the plan.

Neither was what happened next. As Jo moved towards the other side of the room she saw the back of the man in the business suit in front of her. Then he turned and for a moment he was Boscard, the face from her dreams. For a second she was back in that cell – his body on top of her, his hands rough and demanding and his breath hot against her face as she tried not to think about what he was doing to her and focus instead on how the bars from the window had broken the light to cast shadows on the floor.

Lucas heard a sharp intake of breath and then turned to see Jo collapse while the tray clattered to the floor in a flash of glass and metal and champayne.

He excused himself and, taking her arm, dragged her into the kitchen.

"What's going on?" he asked her accusingly, as she hastily brushed off his grip.

"I'm fine – I slipped," she said, avoiding his gaze.

"I think I know what happened and if there is a problem you need to speak to Harry," he said coldly, watching her face intensely while she stared at the floor, secretly hoping it would open up and swallow her so she wouldn't have to face the humiliation of his open contempt.

Jo said nothing for a moment, but continued to look at the floor. She wondered why out of all the team it had to be Lucas who could read her mind. Over the past few weeks, they had worked together successfully on a number of operations, but their relationship could hardly be called close. She still didn't really know anything about Lucas North and he had a quality about him, a foreigness, that made her uneasy.

She wished that it was Ros or Connie or someone she wouldn't have felt so at a disadvantage with standing here in the kitchen with her. Someone familiar, someone who wasn't so …masculine, someone who wouldn't judge her so harshly for exposing the rest of the team to danger by her behaviour.

Jo desperately wished she could fix herself so that she could avoid making a spectacle of herself in the future but she had no idea how to do that without opening up her wounds in a way that was undoubtedly going to be painful.

She took in a breath and prayed he wasn't going to say anything further about the reason for her actions because God knows he was the last person she wanted to talk to about that.

After a moment she straightened herself up and put out her palm, "I'll return it," she said quietly. He hesitated for a second, then handed her the wallet and distractedly watched her as she left the kitchen.

As moved towards the door Lucas cursed softly to himself.

Earlier that day he'd noticed how distracted she'd been when she returned from Meynall's office, seen her nervous fidgeting and wondered what the problem was. He should have guessed that that would be the cause. He could see now in retrospect that Jo had been trying desperately to hide the little lapses in her behaviour over the past few weeks, to disguise the evidence that she was in trouble. He supposed it was an instinct. She was a spy after all. And also an instinct to keep to herself the effects of something so private.

Lucas couldn't help but feel angry with Harry for not picking it up, for wilfully choosing to ignore the fact that Boscard had raped her because it was the kind of conversation that you wouldn't know how to begin and once it started it was likely to quickly get much worse as it progressed, if any truths were to be spoken.

The same kind of conversation, he thought to himself, that Harry had deliberately avoided about what had happened to him in prison. Polite silence reigned, but at a cost.

He would have to let Harry know about Jo. Although he'd told her to talk to Harry, from her expression it was clear that she would be unlikely to be able to bring herself to talk to either him or Harry about what had happened. Lucas knew that an officer unravelling in the field was a dangerous state of affairs for everyone involved.

He sighed and returned his attention to trying to remember where he had last seen Acer Dalek.


	26. Chapter 26

That evening Lucas had returned to the office to find Malcolm and Jo at their stations, tapping away attentively.

Over the course of the next hour or so, Jo sat silently at her computer, not uttering a word to him, except from a quiet "Hello," when he had entered the room and had only sounded the occasional murmer in response to Malcolm's comments.

Lucas thought as he watched her that eight years in a Russian Prison had made him hard. He had never been that good at dealing with raw emotion and tears anyway, but now he was back in the real world he was even more uncertain how to respond to those situations.

And yet something about the way Jo looked now made him regret that it had fallen to him as the senior officer to pull her up for her behaviour and also that he had done so in such a blunt way.

Before he had left for Russia it had been Elizabeta who had uncovered his softer side. She still could, but he knew he would have to put her away. Spying was a dangerous game, and he couldn't risk something so precious to him being damaged. To others he knew he could be cold. He had to be. It was the way he'd been trained and the only way he'd survived the past eight years.

Lucas strode up to Jo's desk, and paused, waiting for her to look up. She did eventually, the look in her eyes suggesting that the reason for her delay was not sullenness or resentment but more a kind of nervous apprehension, the fear that she had incurred his displeasure or that he would force her to speak about things she preferred left unspoken.

He asked her if she had any update from Ben about Ros. As he listened to her muted reply he sighed and wondered how long it would take for their relationship to return to the way it had been before today's events.

**

Later that evening, in Harry's office the frustrations of the day came to a head.

Elizabeta's news that Acer Dalek was part of the Russian Mafia and her demand that Lucas stop using her had been bad enough but Harry's request that he put himself back in prison to try to recall if anything was mentioned about Sugarhorse at the time had been entirely too much to ask.

'Do you know what they were doing to me when it was mentioned?" Lucas asked angrily.

Every night when he closed his eyes he could still feel the sheer terror from those sessions as the sensation of drowning took over. As the images flooded his mind, his body would tense in anticipation of the shock of the icy cold water that had drenched his body on those freezing cold winter days.

"Yes and I still need you to put yourself back there," Harry replied firmly.

"I was tortured for seventeen days. Continuously," Lucas said bitterly. "Was Sugarhorse the reason?" he demanded.

Harry paused, then looked Lucas in the eye, "I'm certain it was," he said quietly.

"And now you want me to just put myself back there without telling me anything about what I was tortured for," Lucas said, infuriated.

"Lucas," Harry said, a note of caution in his voice.

"Don't you dare try your sanctimonious Good of the Nation crap on me," Lucas said, enraged. "There are limits to what you can ask of people Harry, even in our business."

"I'm sorry," said Harry, as Lucas strode towards the door. When he reached the doorway he paused and added angrily, "By the way - if I were you, I'd talk to Jo. You probably haven't noticed but she's in trouble over what happened. A lot of trouble."

By the time he'd left the office Lucas was positively fuming. He thought angrily that Harry could deal with Jo. He didn't care to imagine how uncomfortable that conversation might be, but in his opinion Harry had spent far too much time lately behind a desk lately and it might do him good to get to grips with the human consequences of an operation gone wrong. Something, Lucas thought bitterly, his eight years in prison had made him all too familiar with himself.


	27. Chapter 27

As she sat surrounded by her colleagues and listened in respectful silence, Ros thought to herself that Harry was a fine speaker. The right choice for this occasion, or indeed for any occasion requiring integrity and a certain gravity.

A few days ago they had been seven. Now they were only five. Not enough eyes to discreetly observe others on the streets of London, not enough fingers to tap away at computers late into the night searching for the answers they so desperately needed, and not enough minds to piece together all of the parts of the jigsaw puzzle until everything fell into place.

Jo hadn't wanted to put that same dress on that morning. She had brought it two years ago for her friend Alice's wedding. Her main memory of the wedding was of drinking far too much and dancing till 2am with her other friends from school. Her only problem that evening had been deciding which of the many offers to buy her another drink she should accept. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Today when she had put on the dress she didn't feel anything other than an overwhelming sense of tiredness. Even now, five days after that day's shocking events, she still had difficulty processing that Connie, her friend and mentor, had betrayed them. Her first reaction when she had found out that Connie was responsible was to ask why. Connie had said she had no choice. That was clearly a lie. Ben's death hadn't been necessary. It had been Connie's choice to buy herself a few more hours on the Grid at the expense of yet another life.

Sitting on the other side of Ros, Lucas could only think that today symbolised nothing other than the waste of a young life.

He was grateful that he hadn't spent enough time with Ben for his death to really hit home, though there were other members of the team for whom the loss would cut deeply. Like Jo.

He'd asked Malcolm a while back what the relationship was between them and had received a somewhat ambiguous answer. "They're," he said, then paused, 'well I don't know what they are any more – they used to be together – now I'm not really sure." Lucas could guess the reason why they weren't together anymore well enough, without having to ask. But he'd seen the way Ben looked out for Jo, the little looks, the reassuring way he would touch her arm or shoulder. He supposed that before, Adam had done the same. Now there was no one to look after Jo.

At 26, he supposed she should be old enough to take care of herself. And yet, she was still by far the baby of the team – twelve years younger than he was or Ros. Seven years younger than his baby sister, who in his mind was still a kid, to be sheltered and protected as a big brother ought to.

He could see why Adam or Ben would feel the need to look out for her. For someone in her profession, she had a strange mix of idealism and disillusionment, and she had still managed to retain a softness and naivety that jarred with the world weary cynicism she displayed on occasion. At different times he had heard things come out of her mouth that exhibited either the innocence of a child or the wisdom of an old soul.

As a result of this he had been left wondering who exactly Joanna Portman was and what on earth she was thinking.

By the end of the day he was no closer to understanding her. Harry and Malcolm had left immediately after the service to get back to the office, leaving Ros, Jo and Lucas to stay for morning tea with the family.

After Ros went outside to get some fresh air, Lucas and Jo were left sitting together in the living room.

Lucas asked her about first about her weekend, then about who was here from Ben's family and finally about the weather forecast for the next few days.

"And how are you feeling?" he asked her finally, after he had asked her everything else he could think to say.

"Fine," she replied shortly, her expression guarded. She hadn't forgotten his reaction the last time her self control had slipped and her emotions had come to the surface. She wouldn't make that mistake again with Lucas.

And it wasn't just Lucas she had to be careful around. She was tired of other people's concern, their subtle and sometimes not so subtle attempts to try to ascertain how she was, whether she was beginning a downward slide into mental instability. Even if he didn't show it, there was every reason for Lucas to be as messed up as she was. Dysfunctional was the technical term, she thought. She wished that once in a while he would show it, and then people would turn their attention away from her for a moment and focus on him. And she wouldn't feel so alone.

"And how are you?" Jo asked, catching his eye.

Lucas was surprised by her question, but he didn't let it register on his face. People normally avoided asking how he was. By contrast he'd noticed they often asked Jo how she was, though her replies didn't give much away. He supposed it was a convention – people knew well enough that men didn't want to enter into territory where talk of emotions was required - with women it was different, even in this job.

But Lucas had noticed that Jo had a degree of perceptiveness about her that could be almost unnerving. If she decided to turn her attention on you, it was unlikely that she would miss what was beneath the surface.

"Eight years is a long time away from the world," Jo continued quietly.

Lucas smiled ironically, "Well, I guess I knew there was a risk of capture when I was in Russia, and I suppose we're all aware we might have to make sacrifices when we sign up," he commented, his face giving nothing away.

Though now he thought about it, Jo probably had no idea what being an MI5 officer involved when she had sighed up at that age.

She said nothing, but after a moment's silence asked him whether he could recommend the cake he had on his saucer. From there the conversation descended into the kind of meaningless chit chat you might except at a funeral between people who were not well acquainted with each other.

Sitting on an angle as they talked, Lucas could see the outline of her curves through the flimsy material of her dress. Her perfume had the intoxicating sweetness of a rose garden in summer and every time she lifted her spoon to stir her tea, there was a tiny metallic jingle as her bracelets jangled together. He found it increasingly hard to concentrate on her words, and managed to get away with saying less and less until her repeated mention of his name seemed to require some response from him.

"Lucas? I said do you think we should go now? It's nearly 12. Harry will want us back."

Lucas nodded, and reluctantly got up from the armchair, "You wait there, I'll find Ros."

**


	28. Chapter 28

**

Jo hadn't taken any time off after Ben's funeral, though Harry had said that she could. But she could see that with only five of them left, now was not the time. Adam wasn't here any more but she knew what he would have said if he was. That she should put her chin up, her feelings to the side and keep going. So she did.

She could see others around her doing the same. Harry, Ros, Malcolm, Lucas. Lucas seemed to have perfected it in fact, seemed to have mastered that skill almost since his first day back on the grid. She supposed his time in prison had made him practised in the art of soldiering on. Even the loss of his wife didn't seem to have affected him visibly, though who could tell what was going on in the inside.

So Jo had pulled herself together and followed Adam's advice, though there were moments when the stress told. For example it had shown one cool autumn morning when she had sat quietly in the records room hunting through a pile of dusty files looking for a lead Ros and Lucas were searching for, still exhausted after a late night on the grid.

Everything had been fine until Jessica Morgan and one of her friends from Section C had entered the room and scowled at her. Jessica was a rather plain brunette in her late 20s and Jo knew from previous encounters she possessed a rather vicious tongue.

Ever since Jo could remember, Jessica had fancied Zaf and had showed it with a rather alarming lack of subtlety. But Zaf had never once looked her way, only ever in Jo's direction. Jessica had detested Jo and ever since she'd arrived she'd taken every opportunity she could to make that clear.

Within minutes of entering the records room, Jessica and her friend seated themselves at a table near Jo and after exchanging giggling comments, Jessica whispered loudly to her friend, "She's looking a bit peaky these days but them I suppose that's to be expected given that she's probably in the throws of some kind of melodramatic breakdown."

She threw Jo a spiteful look and then raised her voice. "Perhaps she'd some kind of black widow you know – first Zaf, then Adam Carter and you know she had a thing for him when she started and now her latest boyfriend and did you hear what those Redbacks did to her when they took her? I'm sure that any time soon she'll be shipped off to that place in the country and locked up for good."

Her friend twittered nervously. Jo had turned pale and was now hastily trying to collect her scattered files with as little noise as possible.

Everyone in the room had failed to notice Lucas North's arrival a few minutes earlier. He was now standing at the door, quite still, and listening to their conversation, his face becoming progressively darker by the second until he strode over to the table and hastily picked Jo up by the elbow with one hand and gathered her remaining files in the other, and commanded, "Jo, come with me," then marched her from the room.

A minute later he returned and appeared at the other desk. "Ladies, a word if you please," he said, his smooth manner belying the foulness of his temper.

"I seem to have overheard you talking about Joanna Portman during your little chat. You made some interesting observations. I thought that I, in turn, would share a few observations with you."

'"You will, of course, understand that as a senior member of Section D I have access to all sorts of personal information, the kind of personal information that is so essential to our daily lives. So essential in fact that life could become very difficult if, for example your bank account were to be closed or your National Insurance Number were to be deleted from the system or your name accidentally added to the criminal database. And interestingly enough in our world its now possible to do these things without leaving a trace of evidence behind. "

He paused to flash a rather charming smile at them both, "Now I'm not saying that these things would necessarily happen it's just that I think you might find that the saying what goes around comes around applies if you continue to air your rather ungracious thoughts so freely in the future."

Outside, Jo had paused for a moment in the corridor to collect her thoughts as she wondered what exactly was happening inside. Lucas had quite a temper when he was angry. She was just pleased that this time she wasn't on the receiving end of it - or at least she hoped she wasn't. To be honest she found it a little hard to tell for sure. Still, she was glad to be out of that room.

As she made her way back to the grid she decided she would stay late that night to continue writing up the security report she was working on so that it would be ready for Lucas first thing tomorrow morning rather than at lunchtime, given that he'd said it was a priority.

**

_Ahhh, had to have another scene where Lucas is a bit awesome in a gallant kind of way, but also in a way that makes Jo not quite sure whether he's cross with her or not, cos I like the thought that he comes across a bit dangerous _

_To the reviewer who said first they first thought that Ros Lucas would make a good couple but now they think that Lucas Jo would be great for each other - I completely agree. _

_Ros/ Lucas just makes me go aaah, no! Mainly because I think that Ros would make any man she was with completely miserable sooner or later. Things might go alright for a year or two (or more likely a month or two) but sooner or later I'm pretty sure she'd kick him to the curb and he'd end up a bowl of quivering jelly and have to go into therapy for the rest of his life. And I like Lucas! And I don't want him to be unhappy! _

_Lucas Jo would be much sweeter and much more likely to last. _

_Besides which there is so much Ros fic out there already. And quite frankly I don't think that Ros has that much to be angsty about - apart from Adam. And the Daddy complex is a bit weird and disturbing for a 40 year old woman, and not in a good way. _

_Anyway, enough of that - we are nearly finished this fic – just one or maybe 2 more chapters to go now. But I have decided to write another little Lucas Jo fic but this time with a post apocalyptic setting, but not 2012 but set series 8 time and to start from scratch as if all the stuff in this story had never happened and they are just work colleagues at the start. I have written a bit of it already but not the beginning yet, but its not too far away, only a couple of days. _

_Also I have written another Spooks fic – if you haven't read it and you liked this one you might enjoy it. It's called The Return of Zaf. You can get it by clicking on my username – first 2 chaps are a bit slow but I promise it gets exciting thereafter. _


	29. Chapter 29

Lucas pulled his coat about him, thinking that it was highly unreasonable that the day he was designated to carry out a surveillance operation in Hyde Park should be so unseasonably cold and bleak.

He'd been here four hours, waiting for a person of interest to carry out a meet that Ros has expected would occur three hours ago. He sighed and wondered how much longer he would have to stay for. Operations such as this gave him time to think. And he didn't like that – he didn't like that at all.

Something he liked even less was watching the young couple sitting opposite him on a park bench. They had been there for over an hour and normally that would mean that he would have had to move, so as not to arouse their suspicion. But there were completely oblivious to him – and to the world at large.

They were clearly very much in love. The young man kept leaning over and touching the girl's face, then kissing her. After a little while they would break the kiss, and she would giggle and run her hands through his hair while he would gaze into her eyes.

Watching them made him uncomfortable. It made him wish that he was slightly less alone in the world, that Elizabeta had made a different decision during his time in Russia. He felt an unfamiliar longing to know the kind of intimacy they knew, for someone to ask him about his day as Elizabeta had done, for someone to care how he felt and to whisper their secrets to him late at night.

But he doubted whether anyone would tolerate him as he was now, with his strange disconnection to the real world, the unexplainable gaps in his understanding, and his dreams at night. No normal person would accept that. No normal person would accept him.

He looked up from his thoughts surprised to see a figure emerge from behind the bench and sit down beside him. It wasn't the one he'd been waiting for – but he was genuinely pleased anyway and smiled at her.

"Ros told me to give it another ten minutes and then I was to get you to come back," Jo said shortly.

He nodded and gestured for her to have a seat then took her hand, moving closer to her. Taking into account their age and genders, the logical façade for them to adopt for the wider world was that of lovers – the same as the couple opposite them.

"Malcolm's organised drinks at the George tonight and we wanted to know if you were coming," Jo said, after a pause.

Lucas nodded, "count me in." It had been a difficult day and he was weary. He'd spent the morning chasing a suspected bomber up several streets and had eventually managed to shoot him in the left leg, but it hadn't been the most discreet operation and he knew Harry would have some damage control to attend to as a result. He could do with a drink this evening to relax. Or three.

Beside him Jo was already lost in her thoughts. She'd seen the couple opposite them too and remembered how she and Zaf used to come here sometimes on a Sunday. After they'd ran around the park and Zaf had teased her about her all pink running outfit, ("come on Barbie, I can see Ken in the distance,") they used to collapse on to a park bench and sit together, just enjoying each other's company.

Thinking of Zaf made her remember how things had ended between them. She could still vividly recall the time Zaf had finally succeeded in catching her unawares on the balcony after Friday drinks and, with the confidence of a practicised seducer had seized the moment and kissed her again and again with such an aching sweetness she thought she might have been in danger of collapsing there and then on the spot. She had had to concentrate harder on getting her legs to hold her upright as she had sunk further into his embrace. If it wasn't for one of records room staff interrupting them as they came out onto the balcony for a cigarette who knew where things might have gone. If she closed her eyes she could still feel his kiss but the sweetness had dissolved and all that was left now was the bitter aftertaste of regret.

It being Zaf and her being used to his little games and flirtations, afterwards she'd pretended to be mildly annoyed by it all but secretly she was far from annoyed and to tell the truth he probably knew that. The next week he was gone, in a haze of bustle and hurry for Tehran.

The last thing she remembered was standing with him at the airport and passing the time by talking about everything and anything but his departure and then finally, at the last moment, finding herself picked her up off her feet as Zaf had held her and in between kisses put his head against her forehead and breathed that he was in love with her. She, being the fool she was, had only smiled and replied that she would be waiting for him to return. She should have seized her opportunity at happiness and clung on to it while it lasted because he hadn't returned. And then things had gone so very badly wrong from that point onwards that it sometimes felt as if she was free falling from a thousand feet with nothing to break her accelerating descent.

Lucas stole a glance at Jo as they sat in silence. She had a strange expression on her face and he tried to imagine what she might be thinking of. There was a softness in her expression, a vulnerability that made him curious to know what was going though her head.

Just for a moment his thoughts wandered. He wondered what her lips would feel like under his, whether they would be soft and inviting and if her skin would be smooth to his touch and what it would feel like to have her breath warm against his shoulder like Elizabeta's had been on those cold winter nights they'd lain together. For the few seconds the thoughts passed through his brain he decided he liked the idea. It would be, he thought, quite satisfying, quite comforting, quite desirable.

But then he recollected how it was with him and how it was with her and quickly put his thoughts away, certain that they would only lead somewhere he ought not go.

"Shall we go then?" Lucas asked, his words jolting Jo back to reality.

"Oh, ok yes - let's go then," she replied, collecting her thoughts.

"Everything ok Jo?" Lucas asked, after a moment.

She nodded and they lapsed into silence as they walked towards the road where the car was parked.

As they left the park gates, a little blonde girl aged about three or four ran out towards the road, her harassed looking mother following after her with a toddler in hand, telling her to stop and calling that she wasn't to go near the road.

"Hey," Lucas said, catching the giggling girl, "making a break for it are we?," he asked, laughing at her as he held her by the hand and returned her to her grateful mother.

"She certainly is," her mother said smiling. "She's quick these days, but she just doesn't realise how dangerous the streets can be. Thank you for stopping her."

"My pleasure," said Lucas, grinning. The scene had to make Jo smile.

She had to admit that Lucas could be quite charming at times. And to tell the truth she had misjudged him.

At first she'd thought that he was trying to replace Adam – but she knew now that that wasn't fair. He was just trying to find somewhere he could belong again. It was true that he wasn't familiar like Adam and that he was unpredictable but she could see that he had integrity and that he was good at what he did and that maybe he even had something that Adam didn't have. Like patience for example.

She'd even seen flashes of kindness in him. He was a bit unsettling to be around – a bit foreign but perhaps in time they might be able to find some common ground, to be friends. Who knew?

Lucas looked at her thoughtfully, "you know you must have looked like her when you were little."

"What?" Jo replied, distractedly.

"The little girl," Lucas replied. "I think you must have looked a bit like her when you were young."

"Perhaps," she responded, not really sure what his point was.

She looked over at him, surprised to see him smiling to himself at the thought. "So anyway, after we get back to the office I just need to finish up some paperwork and then Ros and Malcolm and I are going for drinks . And you too if you wanted to come with us."

"Is the George still the dodgy pick up joint for MI5 officers it always used to be?" Lucas wondered aloud.

"Hmm," Jo replied thoughtfully, considering his question. "Hard to say – I've seen it happen occasionally, but its in pretty poor taste really – don't you think?"

Lucas laughed, "yes that's true. Anyway – I'd place my bets on Malcolm bringing home the ladies tonight."

"Excellent," Jo giggled, "I completely agree - Malcolm it is."

**

_Hmm want to know what happens next?? You already do because you've read it in Chapter One!! _

_So as we have come round to the point when this connects up to the rest of the story that is the end of this little fic which turned out not to be so little but actually quite long. Hope you have enjoyed it anyway. _

_Please review and let me know what you think. _


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